midnight thoughts | a book of poetry

On Your Birthday

On Your Birthday

It's scaring me,
It's freaking scaring me
How much
I'm forgetting everything
About you, about everything we did.
And no one can understand
The sheer agony in my chest
Of losing you.
I can't believe I lost you.
I can't believe you're gone.
I can't believe you were even there to begin with.
I'm not going to ask myself anymore if you love me,
Because I know this is not what love is.
I can't wrap my head around you,
Around the horrible pain that you've left me with.
Everyone says I'll move on.
Nobody takes me seriously.
But it's making me fall apart
Piece by piece
And limb by limb.
How the f**k did this happen?
I'm desperate for answers.
Am I supposed to be this f***ed up after losing you?
Was this how it was supposed to be,
Or have I
Made up these emotions?
I literally cannot begin to describe the torture
I have been through
Since you.

This isn't love.
I know that.
This isn't love,
But I refuse to believe
That it can be anything else.