The Girl and The Murderer

41. Losing Control

I don't really know what I am doing. I don't have the control of my moves anymore. My arms move by themselves. My tongue danses in Zack's mouth. My heart beats so fast.

-Ray...

I don't listen to him. I keep going. Even if I wanted, I couldn't stop anyway.

My hands explore his whole body. They guide my moves, my intentions. What do I do by the way ? Why did I come here ?

To erase what I endured during 4 years at the orphanage and that started here. In this lake.

-Ray.

And what do I do to erase the past ? I put myself in the executioner place. I want to stop. But... I cannot...

-Ray, stop.

Zack push against his chest and hugs me tightly in his arms.

-Stop ok ? You're gonna hurt yourself for nothing.

He guessed what I was about to do. I am sure he knew from the beginning. I feel so pathetic now.

-I'm sorry Zack. I didn't want to do that...

Burning tears come down my cheeks. Zack hugs me a bit tighter against him.

-It's nothing. Everything's fine. Now you breathe in and out and you calm down.

-You don't hate me too much ?

He smiles :

-If I hated you, you wouldn't be alive anymore. No... I worship you.

He put his nose in my hair and breathe for a while. And he sighs out of satisfaction.

-I love your hair.

He passes his fingers through it, plays with it. It reassures me and I end up falling asleep.

When I wake up, I'm on my apartment's couch, Zack sitting next to me watching me.

-Hello there little angel. Slept well ?

It's weird to hear him talk like that.

-Hello there mister the murderer.

I yamn and get up. Then I realise that it's not normal for Zack to be at home.

-How did we get inside ?

-Your mate opened.

Just after that, Arthur gets out of the room and seems to have slept for many years.

-Hi Ray. Hi Zack. Is there any coffee ?

-I was about to make some Art.

I stretch before realising that I didn't get dressed after coming back from the lake.

-Your clothes are next to you.

I get dressed at light speed before heading to the coffee maker.

-Thank you...

Arthur yamn widely and sits on the couch. Zack stays where he is and they start a weird stare contest. I don't feel good about that...

I come back with three cups of coffee two minutes later. They still didn't move an hair.

-Think about waking up boys. You both look like zombies but even less lively.

No answer. They really look like dogs fighting for dominance. We're just lacking the groans and barks.

-Well, since you both seem to get along well, I'll leave you. I need to be pretty early at school anyway. Have a nice day !

I drink my coffee in a hurry, put my shoes on, take my stuff and go away. Zack follows me quickly.

-Your friend's boring. I'll keep you company.

-As you want. No car though.

-No problem. I never put my ass in a car and probably never will.

We take half an hour to get to the school. I kiss Zack.

-I'll get you tonight.

-Don't bother I have a meeting with someone.

-It's not a question. I don't care when you'll finish work but I'll get you to bring you home safe.

His face is serious. He doesn't seem to joke. He'll bring me home, whether I want it or not. But I don't agree with your terms little one...

-How many times will I have to day it for everyone to understand ? I'm not a fucking porcelain doll !

I stare at him, looking so upset and angry that he lowers his head.

-Don't complain if something happens Ray... See ya.

And he goes away. I sigh. It's not what I had in mind... But I have had enough of being considered as a fragile doll!

-Is everything alright Ray? You seem to be elsewhere !

Rick or maybe Gray, is in front of the door. He must have heard all our little talk.

-Why asking me when you listened to the whole conversation ? And why did you take interest in me and Zack ?

-Because you both are fascinating. But let's talk about something else. I believe that you are not in good terms right now.

I sigh again. He's getting on my nerves that old man.

-You are sick. Go look for a therapist.

-If I am "sick", what can I say about you two ? I am not the one who killled these people.

He takes some pictures from his pocket. I stand still. He knows too much about us. Really too much. Where did he gets those pictures from ?

-Where did you steal them ?

-Steal ? Nothing could be further from my mind. Someone gave them to me. Doctor Danny. This name might ring a bell...

Ok, it's far too much for my nerves. A bitter-sweet scent invade my nostrils. I faint.