Tasherghar

Bhool Bhanga Bhool

Tupak entered the room to find her sitting on the window sill looking out at nothing... holding onto a dictaphone...

Tupak: Dictaphone, usse kya kar rahi ho?... koi notes bana rahi thi kya kissi case pe ya case study sun rahi ho...

Anondo: Nahi bas tumhe... nahi kisi ko yaad kar rahi thi

Tupak: kise? Jisne tumhe dictaphone diya use?

Anondo: Haa... par tumhe kaise pata ke yeh dictaphone mujhe kisine diya hai?

Tupak: Guess kiya aur kya?

Anondo: Ajeeb si baat hai...

Tupak: Kya? Ajeeb si kya baat hai...

Anondo: Aaj meri zindagi ke saare aham log yaad arahe hai.... Mera Rakshak, Londonwala woh Ajnabee, Robindro aur.....

Tupak: Aur?

Anondo: Aur Tum...

Tupak looked at her sad yet calm face... Anondo's only strength in her life is she accepts whatever way life deals with her. It was a strange sort of stubbornness she had. She won't complain, cry or fight outwardly. All her fight remains within her. You blame, complain, fight with her and she would sit there quietly, sometimes head bowed and eyes turned down. She took in anything one had to say about her. Sometimes Tupak felt if only she would fight back, scream, hit, or throw things, it would be much easier knowing what went through her. But she never said a word, it used to anger and frustrate him to no end. It felt as if you are never important enough for her to react. He always thought that someday the man she loved would get her reactions... But now he doubted that... She thinks she is not important enough to anybody to show her caged emotions....

Anondo: (Tupak was claimed back by her soft questions) Do din mein shadi hai tumhari... Kaisa lag raha hai? Khush toh hona? Maine abhi tak tasveer nahi dekhi tumhari hone wali Patni ki... Kaisi dikhti hai? Kaha ki hai? Kya kolkatta mein kabhi dekha hai maine unhe? Naam ... Naam batao na...

Tupak: Naam... Harshita - Jo sab ki khushi ka khayal rakhti hai... Wahi hai... Uske hone se sabko araam aa jata hai.

Anondo: (smiled, and then her eyes filled up on her smiling face) Bohot pyara naam hai... Kya du tumhari Harshita ko shadi mein... Usse kya pasand hai?...

Tupak: Kya dena chahti ho tum use?

Anondo: Mere paas jo kuchh bhi hai sab kuchh dena chahti hu use. Aur bohot sara pyar aur subhkamnaye. Duniya ki sari khushiyo se jeevan bhara rahe uska aur tumhara humesha.

Tupak: Mera bhi?... Tumhe itni chot pahuchane ke baad, meri jeevan bhar ki khushiyo ki subhkamnaye de rahi ho Tuktuki... zara si narazgi nahi, khobh nahi, dwesh nahi.... Kis mitti ki bani ho? Main toh nahi de paya tumhare Robindro ko yeh sari shubhkamnaye...

Anondo: (Smiled a bit) Tum bachpan se aise hi ho...Achank se gussa aa jata tha, aur phir thodi hi der baad sab shant... (she looked outside the window) Samunder ki Jwar bhate ki tarah, ya samjho asmaan ki tarah... ek muhurt mein badra barish bijli aur megho ka utpat aur dusre hi pal mein khilli khilli dhoop... Jab tum gussa karte koi muh pe jawab de toh Rajao wala gussa aur agar palat ke rone lage toh tum sab kuch luta ke bhi puri koshish mein lag jaate the usse manane mein... tum se kabhi kisi ke ansoo bardasht nahi hote hai...

And then she sighed deep...

Tupak: Itna hi janti thi mujhe toh kyu nahi rok liya mujhe jab... ( he swallowed) Jab woh sari ghinoni baate bol raha tha main?... Sare aam, pachaso students and teacher's ke saamne. Kyu nahi ek thappad mara mere muh pe Anondo?... Tab kyu chupchap, bina ek bhi baat ko nakare chali gayi waha se?

Anondo: Kuchh samajh hi nahi ayaa shuru mein, aur phir jab akele washroom mein ro rahi thi toh tumhari kahi hui baat hi sahi hogi yahi laga mujhe. Agar main uss waqt palat ke kuchh keh deti toh bardasht nahi ho pata tumse. Bohot maan se kehte the tum sabse jaisa main bolunga wahi karegi Anondo. Tumhara woh maan tod du yeh khayal ayaa hi nahi kabhi dil mein. Zindagi bhar kabhi tumhe kisi ke saath bura karte nahi dekha... kabhi kisiko bekaar hi mein chot pahuchate huye nahi dekha. Naa tumne kabhi galat kiya, na kisi aur ko karne diya. Tumhare morals meri inspiration rahe...Chhote se the tum par Vivekanand, Shakespear, Plato... aur na jane kis kis ko quote kiya karte the... toh laga agar tumhara idol tumhare bare mein yeh sochta hai, toh shayad main hi galat houngi. Kyu ki meri zindagi mein Dhritiman Ganguly kabhi galat nahi ho sakta hai. Tab bhi nahi aaj bhi nahi... aur sahi thi main dekho waqt ne sabit kar hi diya ke bazaar mein hi asal jagah thi meri.... Baki sab kuchh jo main sochti thi galat tha... haina? Aaj usi kichad mein dhasi khadi hu jiske bare mein 11 saal pehle bhavishya vani ki thi tumne...

Tum hi sahi the dekho...

Tupak: (walked upto her and pulled her to himself holding both her upper arms) Nahi tha main sahi... GALAT THA MAIN... BILKUL GALAT ....SAMJHI TUM. Anondomoyi Banerjee Bazaaru cheez nahi hai... Nahi hai woh bazaar mein biknewali cheez. Nahi hai DAMN IT! NAHI HAI!

(And while he screamed his eyes spilled his pain of all these years... His tears flowed without realizing...)

Woh meri ... woh meri.... (he sighed and went away to sit on the arm chair in his room and bent forward to hold his head in his hands, his voice going deeper and his hands still trembling from the riot of emotions he was trying to bring under control.)

Tupak: Tum kabhi bhi woh nahi thi jo maine 11 saal pehle tumse kaha... Kyu ki Tupak Ganguly was just highly jealous of his Dadamuni in those moments. I was jealous that my Tuktuki wanted him, would agree to do anything so that she was palatable as a wife to Dadamuni. I never regretted sharing anything with him, I never thought that I was not ready to even accept the thought of you wanting him, much rather seeing it happening in reality.

I was crazy in my possessiveness over our friendship. You never let anything come between my wishes and them becoming a reality... Imagine losing a friend who got canning for not submitting her project while she put her heart and soul into making one for you. On the more she won't even tell you about it so that you don't feel guilty about it. Burning with fever she would get up to sit and hear all the rantings and scoldings of that same boy without a single word. She would stay awake for days to make paper bags so I could sell them to pay for someone's fees. Trying to look very top lofty in my principals and yet where would those morals be without the one who was my "Neerob Kormi" (silent worker who never claimed any credit for the work they do) She would learn to cook and make Nariyal ke Laddu. Cook for the orphanage kids I supported. Everyone would always praise me, and she stood at the back of the stage being truly happy for her friend who didn't half deserve her.

I lost it the day you turned away from me that day in the washroom. I couldn't even ask for your forgiveness, not because I didn't want to... but because I recognised for few mistakes you can only suffer punishments but don't deserve any salvation of being forgiven.... So stop saying that ... that I was correct.. I wasn't ... I wasn't Anondo. Please... please (he folded his hands and closed his eyes and touched his folded hands to his forehead)....