"So, you say a wizard did this?" Asked Taddus and Puzu nodded positively.
"And he took the princess away?" Kept inquiring the prince. Again, Puzu nodded.
"All the better, then!" Said the young man with a cheerful tone. "She was the ultimate boring person prototype! Like boring level ten thousand! Never had an interesting conversation with her!"
"You guys talked much?" Asked Puzu disinterested.
"Kind of, we chatted. She was pretty thou, or I guess so. Her profile pics are good but they're always too good. Aren't we all a bunch of sociopaths with pretty profile pictures? All passed through Photocraft, anyway."
Puzu kept nodding having no idea whatsoever of what the prince was talking about.
"This must be nobility talk," he thought. Some new, queer, high born game in vogue at the time. Things commoners and peasants could not understand. Personally, Puzu liked the good old ways better, ostracism, inquisition, and torture.
"What do we do now?" Asked Puzu.
The prince began walking in circles around the arena, arms spread out. "This is all ours now, my friend! We can be kings!" He yelled. "I mean, I am. You can be like second in command."
Puzu did like that a lot. What a day, from peasant to second-king of Warka! He felt so proud. If only his wife would have been there to see him now! She would have complained about something, as always.
Only one thing bugged Puzu: would a king without subjects still be regarded as a king?
He asked prince Taddus about it.
"Nonsense. King is in you! Is not a crown that makes you king, you feel in your bowels!" That said, another ferocious growl thundered from Taddus' stomach and he disappeared again into the mobile toilet leaving Puzu alone with his thoughts.
Puzu's thinking was very linear:
(Evil Wizard + Princess in Distress) x Rescuing Quest = Fame & Glory.
When Taddus appeared back again, Puzu proposed his plan. "We rescue the princess and turn everyone back to normal. We're going to be heroes! I can become an adventurer and leave the manure business because, truly, it's just shi..."
Taddus interrupted him there, "What for? Look around. Nobody's here to judge you. Nobody's here to bother you with their petty requests like the plague, the beating, and the taxes, and the crisis and the starving and all of that!"
Taddus calmed down and looked at Puzu with the warm and distant eyes of the wise man. "I understand. You miss your dear, am I right? I bet you have a lovely wife back at home and you wish her to come back to you."
A shiver ran up and down Puzu's back, at least twice. The prince was right, it wasn't a bad thing that everyone had been turned into unable-to-talk rocks.
Prince Taddus patted his belly. "With all those fireworks I lunched in the mobile toilet, I now feel empty like an empty sack! Too bad the buffet was planned for after the joust! Let's have a tuna sandwich!" Producing a little bell from a pocket, Taddus rang it.
Nobody came, of course.
He rang it a second time.
No better results. Of course!
Panic began to take shape on the prince's face.
He rang it neurotically for the third time.
The ring echoed throughout the arena, lonely and ominous.
"Nobody'll come." Announced Puzu.
Taddus gave him a stern look as if the peasant had just said something horrible.
"My tuna sandwich..." Muttered the prince in a feeble whisper.
Suddenly his expression of panic turned into an expression of rage. He turned towards Puzu and grabbed him violently by the shoulders. "Let's go!"
Caught off-guard, the owner of the manure enterprise asked him where he was intended to go.
"To the wizard! What kind of question is that? We ought to save all these good, innocent people, ought we not? How can we leave them like this? Look at them! I am going to be their future king. It is my duty and responsibility to look after them!" As he made his speech, he breathed in and enlarged his chest, he also looked somewhat taller leaving Puzu jaw-dropped and in awe. The prince shone like the sun.
"And save the princess!" Added the humble manure-dealer.
"Who? Ah, yes. Sure. We'll do what we can with that." Replied the prince.
So, they were settled but where to go? Puzu had no idea where the wizard had gone.
"All smoke and then puff, he wasn't there no more!" He explained.
The prince reassured him. "Don't fret, look. The princess just shared a post on Facescroll!"
Party: lame-oh. Now trapped by Harry Potty turned Dark Lord Sharon in his Dark Tower.
At least I won't have to smell in person the legendary seafood breath of Taddus!
"Megera! Harpy!" Roared the prince. He breathed heavily on Puzu, "does my breath smell of seafood?" He asked.
Puzu shrugged. "Meh, I don't know. Who am I to judge?"
Taddus nodded in gratitude.
"She checked in. Look, it shows the address. Vitruvius' Dark Tower. Doom & Gloom Lane n.13, Dreary Woods."
"That's convenient." Admitted Puzu. "How do we reach it?"
Taddus smiled as if he had some secret ace up his sleeves. He pointed a finger to the skyship anchored at the royal palace. "Do you have a driving license for that?"
"What's a driving license?" Asked back Puzu.
"Never mind."
"Do you have one?"
"Me?" Taddus seemed genuinely surprised. "Of course not. I am nobility. I do not drive. I do not transport. I am transported. Now, go get your things and let's meet here in ten minutes! Don't be late, we have no time to lose!" Taddus ran away and vanished behind the arena backstage.
Puzu had nothing to "go get" so he just sat around, waiting and wondering in what kind of world he got to live in.
Taddus came back after one hour. He wore a shiny golden armor, beautifully engraved. He carried two swords on his back and that made him look very cool. At his feet, fine boots of expensive leather.
At his hands, fingers. What else? Tucked into gloves.
On his head, one would expect hair now, right? No. Well, yes but on them a prestigious helmet forged in the shape of a badger. The prince's favorite animal.
Puzu was amazed and Taddus noticed him.
"That's right." Said the young warrior. "And you're to be my squire!"
Puzu's eyes flared up with pride. This was even better than second-king. Kings don't go adventuring.
All ready and set, they headed for the city's gate.
It was there and then that Puzu's amazing adventure truly started. Again, we must take note and ask ourselves why are we wasting our time with all this obnoxious lettering and why don't we start our narrative from the beginning of the adventure, right from the pulsing action?
Sigh, storytelling isn't easy. Cleary, more difficult than math. At least in math you got formulas to tell you what to do.
A/N:
Hi there, if you liked this chapter and if I made you laugh, giggle or just chuckle a bit, please consider giving it a vote.Thank you!See you in the next Part.
