The way to the Dreary Woods was blocked by some road works forcing the adventuring duo to take a deviation that went all around the woods. It almost doubled up the length of their journey.
Walking side by side with prince Taddus, Puzu felt all proud and important. He noticed to be a couple of inches taller than the prince and that, somehow, made him feel on level with him.
"So," began Puzu, he wasn't quite sure how to address Taddus. "I've heard about you. You got quite a reputation!"
The prince nodded. "Really?" He asked with a tone that Puzu did not know how to decipher. Was it sarcasm, modesty or true surprise?
"Yeah," continued the peasant. "Was it dragons? Have you slain a dragon?"
"What? Gods, no! And those are fairy tales anyway!" Taddus waved a hand to dismiss the matter.
"Fair enough," replied Puzu but he honestly didn't think it fair. He liked dragons and knew, in his heart, they were real, somewhere out there.
"Well then, have you rescued another princess before?" Puzu kept asking, curious to discover what amazing deeds the prince must have had achieved so to become the mighty and renowned warrior he was.
"Nope. Who am I? Mario the plumber?"
"Did you put on the run a thousand bandits that wanted to sack the city? Defeated pirates? Kept at bay the forces of evil?"
"Nope and nope." Was the simple answer of the prince.
In the end Puzu ran out of both patience and imagination. "Why do they say you're a mighty warrior?"
"Mostly because my pop says so and everyone has to please him if they don't want to get the dungeon holiday package for free. Nonetheless, I'd like to add that I did achieve LV100 in Candy Castle The Second." The prince made an emphatic pause. "In dark ages mode, you know what I'm saying?"
Puzu's jaw dropped so low, he was kicking it as he walked. "You never fought a battle, a duel, whatchamacallit?"
"Of course, I have! What are you thinking? That I sit all day pursuing meaningless dreams? Like all those peasants down there? Have you seen my body? Muscles like these don't grow on trees. Gotta earn them! Every morning after breakfast and before the parlor, I do sweat and suffer!"
"Parlor?"
"Yes, I do like to alternate though: one day massage, one day aesthetic. Sometimes I do manicure and pedicure. You know, the image is important. Healthy body in healthy mind!"
"I believe it's the mind that goes in the body but, looking at you, I get your point." Said Puzu recalling to memory those days he and his wife didn't even have enough to get a proper lunch. He then regretted to have called to mind the image of his wife.
"Actually, I am very good with the sword!" Claimed Taddus. "I did defeat all masters-at-arms my father sent to train me."
"Yeah," sighed Puzu. "I can imagine that."
Suddenly, from behind the bushes, a group of brigands surprised the adventurous duo.
"The bag or the money!" Yelled the foremost right before being slapped on the nape by one of his friends.
"It's 'your bag or your life', you buckethead!"
Another brigand came forward. "What if they say 'bag' but actually keep their money in their pockets and when we got home and we open it we actually find bag's stuff. Like, I dunno, lipsticks and tampons?"
Puzu stepped in, "If I say 'life'," he proposed, "will you leave me the bag?"
The brigand who had slapped his friend brought a hand to his face. "We should have rehearsed this." He raised his short sword towards the two heroes. "Listen up now.... Oh, good master thief! What is this smell?"
"That'd be me, brigand sir." Said Puzu, always honest as the stink that enveloped him.
"Never mind. Coins. Now. And that shiny armor of yours too."
The prince drew both his swords. "Leave my squire alone!" He yelled. "For Warka and the Realm! Bring it on!"
He took a step forward, roaring like a lion, or at least like an enraged badger. Have you ever seen an enraged badger? No? Understandable, neither did we.
The brigand's sword swirled with elegance. It gently tapped the prince's hands and just like that, the mighty warrior was disarmed.
"And that silly helmet too, I want it. What's that, a rat? You're the Rat-Knight?" The rogue mocked Taddus with a very pungent sarcasm.
"A badger..." whispered the prince with a knot in his throat.
The brigand looked closely at him. "Wait a moment. I know you. You're Taddus! Jackpot guys!"
The other rogues stood in amazement.
"That is awesome! We can ask for a ransom!" Said the second brigand.
"Why ask for a ransom when we can ask for money?" Said the third one.
After a little explanation, plan-making and decision-taking, the brigands decided to take away Taddus and to dismiss his filthy little pet-squire. With extreme courage and with a boot that later on would be thrown away, Puzu was kicked off the ravine, down the slope.
Puzu rolled and rolled over himself, through spiky bushes and over rocks and leaves. He cracked branches, got all scratched and bent flowers too.
He ended up near a pond, which was beautiful. The waters, for whatever weird effect, were blue. We don't mean blue as water-blue, more like turquoise, that blue-to-green color we imported from Turkey.
Puzu managed to get back on his feet. In addition to his manure-coat, he was now covered in mud with sticks and leaves popping out from everywhere. Covered in vegetation as he was, he looked like a living plant, an Ent or perhaps, a stalking willow.
A ferocious roar surprised him from behind.
"What comes to my lair?" Boomed the terrible voice.
Leaning out just enough to take a peek, Puzu saw it and swallowed hard. It was an ogre.
Yes, an ogre. You would know. It's a big dark bluish dude with a very large body, double the size of a regular orc, and a small head with a brain half the size of that of a squirrel. They usually live under a bridge but there are no bridges in this story. They are also known for eating people.
As the ogre spotted the intruder, it raised its club high and charged.
Poor Puzu felt dead even before being actually dead.
All the possible scenarios flashed quickly in Puzu's eyes: Roasted Puzu; salted stir-fried Puzu; Puzu Pie; Puzu Stew; boiled, stuffed Puzu Dumplings; Marinated Puzu or Chinese food.
The ogre, anyway, seemed to have all the good intentions of simply dismembering Puzu and eat him raw limb by limb. Eyes for dessert.
A/N: Hi there, if you liked this chapter and if I made you laugh, giggle or just chuckle a bit, please consider giving it a vote.Thank you!See you in the next Part.
