Story of a Girl

Stumbling Blocks

“These two beings who had loved each other so exclusively and with so touching a love, and who had lived so long for each other, were now suffering by each other and through each other; without speaking of it, without harsh feeling, and smiling all the while.” Les Miserables

 

It took Lara at least one week to compose a coherent reply to Shin. For the first time in her life, she found it hard to write a letter. It piqued and amused her at the same time. Never in a million years would she have imagined herself becoming tongue-tied and because of Shin too, of all people!

What the heck, she thought. Life really had a strange way of doing things.

But of course, she still remembered to take Alex into consideration. This is what she found so difficult.

“Talk about a disorganized train of thought,” she began her message. It sounded calm and logical enough, but Lara’s insides were churning as she typed. “One moment you’re rambling on and on about a camping trip and then you go drop a bomb on me like that.”

Now what? She stared at a space for a while then began again. “I’m sorry if I have been terribly insensitive to how you were feeling but you know that I am really dense sometimes.”

Yes, she scolded herself vindictively; you are one dumb schmuck, Lara.

“I’d be lying if,” at this part Lara cringed. She had the most uncontrollable urge to burst out laughing. It was so funny and absurd that she was actually saying these kind of things to Shin. Unbelievable.

“I’d be lying if I tell you that you mean nothing to me.  But to tell you honestly, I’m also as confused as you are regarding this whole thing. I wouldn’t dream of losing this friendship either because it means a lot to me. But you understand don’t you? I am indecisive about the entire thing because of Alex, she’s my best friend you know. Anyway, all I can say is this: SARANG IN GAYO. Who knows, right? No closing of doors or anything of that sort. It might work out or not but no matter what happens I promise you one thing—you will always be one of my best friends.”

And with that, she clicked “send” before she could chicken out and change her mind about the entire deal.

Shin replied faster than she imagined. His message was already there when she logged in her email account the next day.

“I was so rash and I should have known better. All I could think of is tell you before I lost my nerve. But I must confess that I like you and I was not confused at all when I wrote you that. I was too impatient and somewhat selfish…  And it is fine with me… nothing is changed… I hope this does not put us into an awkward position. If it would make things better, I would refrain from confessing my crazy thoughts about you. I am always crazy and impulsive… Sometimes it puts me into a situation like this. Anyway, a friend sounds good to me… All this time I thought I am sacrificing our friendship over my feelings… but it turned out to be a win-win situation—I get to let this feelings off my chest and whatever happens you would still be my friend… I am your friend no matter what, I promise…”

Lara heaved a sigh of relief. That would probably do for now; although she could not shake this undeniable feeling that more difficulties will soon be coming her way.  

The exchange of emails was still very much regular between the two of them and they pretty much tried their best to put aside what was really in their hearts after two or more awkward exchanges.

“Well, I just want to assure you that I will be waiting for you.” He wrote once. Then he followed it up with a question, “You don’t feel awkward about this, do you? Something in your writing tells me that you do.”