Story of a Girl

Let Me Be Happy For Him

“Sometimes I wish that I could save you. And there are so many things I want you to know.” Simple Plan 

“Lara, are you alright?”

Paige has gone into the habit of texting Lara everyday to inquire about her well-being. She was thankful for Paige and Eugene. Thankful that they were there to keep her sane. Since the two were just in town, they visit her often as well. Lee also came with them. Alex, on the other hand, was in Manila, working in a university. She had no idea of what was going on. Lara thought it best not to tell her; for what will she tell her? That she nearly chose Shin over her but it turned out that the guy didn’t want her anymore? How pathetic that would sound! Lara winced at the mere thought of it.

“You look sick.” Lee observed as Lara set some soft drinks in front of the girls in one of their visits. “And you move like a somnambulist”

“I haven’t been getting enough sleep.” Lara murmured with a wan smile. “I’ve been having some ulcer bouts too as well...”

An awkward pause followed. Lara decided to break the ice herself.

“I’ve written a letter,” she brought out a folded bond paper from her pocket. It was heavily creased from the scribbles and revisions that Lara had done. “I wrote it for him. It contains everything that I was not able to say to him when—well, when he told me he was giving up.”

She handed the letter to them and Paige held it reluctantly, staring at her.

“Go on and read it. I won’t mind. In fact, I really want you guys to read it, so you will know...”

Paige, Lee and Eugene huddled together and began reading.

“Considering the history of our friendship, you might be aware that there were a lot of instances na dapat nagalit na ko sayo. Unfortunately, I could never bring myself to do that. No matter how hard I try to convince myself na dapat magalit na ko, wala e. Always and always I rationalize and tried to understand why you did this, why you did that: simple because I believed. Now, I'm thinking here I go again....

I realize that it’s difficult for you and I'm sorry I made it difficult for you. Naturally, you would want someone who's there for you and stuff. I'm sorry that I made you feel like I was hindering you from other people. But you must know, I never thought of doing that to you. But nevertheless, I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that way.

I just think it’s terribly ironic though, just when I thought I've mustered up enough courage to fight for you, you begin doubting it all. Kumbaga, naghahanda pa lang ako, tapos na pala. But what else is there to do. I just thought that you should know that for the sake of being truthful. But please, don't let this hinder you from pursuing your happiness. As you said, you have found someone who could perhaps give you that. Putting everthing aside, I was, first and foremost, your friend and thus I’m glad. I have always prayed for your happiness. Siguro ito na yun.

And no matter what, I'll always be here for you unless you no longer need me, I will always remain forever your friend, Lara.”

Eugene sniffed. “Oh gosh Lara, you’re really a writer, aren’t you? It just breaks my heart reading something as heart-rending as that.”

Paige and Lee mopped their eyes and laughed uneasily.

“Ano ba yan, look at us, crying like silly.” Lee said.

“It’s beautiful, yet heartbreaking as well.” Paige said still swiping at her eyes. “Are you really going to send this to Shin?”