Story of a Girl

Intention

“Love can be denied but doing so could break thy heart; for its cracks are overflowing with accumulating passion.” Mark Joash Marcos

Lara’s favorite season was summer. But for obvious reasons known only to herself, she was not that eager to have her vacation that particular year. Vacation meant nothing to preoccupy herself with: no homework, projects, reports, exams or deadlines to keep her preoccupied. Lara felt that if she would have all the time in the world to be idle and to think, then she would go crazy.

What more, Eugene, Paige, Lee and Alex were not around that summer; being nursing students, they were required to take summer classes. Lara had no company just when she longed so much for it. Although she exchanges text messages almost every day with Alex or Eugene, having them around is still different.

“I miss having you guys around this summer,” she texted Alex once. “Nakakapanibago.”

 “I know what you mean.” Alex replied. “We haven’t gotten together since Christmas break. Don’t be too sad, we might have a bit of time in May.”

One thing Lara was thankful for at that time was the fact that she and Alex still managed to maintain their friendship despite the secret knowledge they shared between themselves. They never spoke of Shin with each other now, except for trivial matters such as what he is up to lately or how he is doing in school. It was as if there was an unspoken understanding between them that they should not probe into the deeper and more complicated matter concerning him.    

On the summers past, Lara had continuously busied herself by dabbling in sketching, watercolour painting and writing. Initially, she planned to undertake the same hobbies again this summer. She even bought herself new paintbrushes and fresh tubes of watercolour. But when she finally started, she found that she could not concentrate at all. Her pencil sketches and paintings were faulty. Her sketches did not turn out the way she wanted them to. She got frustrated and packed her art materials away with much disappointment.

Most of the time, she would find herself sitting on the front step of their terrace just staring at anything that catches her attention—her pet dog basking lazily under the sun, the vines crawling on the gray wall in their yard or the leaves and flowers of the bougainvillea near the gate.

“What in the world is the matter with you?” Her mother often asked Lara whenever she finds her in that listless state.

“Nothing,” she would say, scrambling up and trying to look more energetic. “I was just thinking about something.”

“Well stop thinking and go do something useful.”

So Lara would go and work off all her frustrations in sweeping their yard or cleaning the entire house until she is too tired to do anything else.  

“Are you depressed?” One of Shin’s email messages read at one time. “Correct me if I’m wrong but from the way you are writing, it looks much like it.”

“No,” she replied. “Maybe it’s just PMS and I miss the girls ‘cause they are all taking summer classes except for me.” Then Lara changed the topic, rambling about trivialities and trying her best to sound cheerful. She knew she was lying but what the heck, she didn’t want him to worry or anything like that.

Then came that earth-shattering e-mail that turned everything upside down.

He had gone on a camping trip and Lara, wanting to humor him, asked him to write more about it. To which he obliged willingly.