My little life story

But Then...

I went to a place called BloemCare. It was located in my home town. How can I explain this.. its like a rehab center but more for depression and mental health problems... I went there with the idea that I could also break my addiction but unfortunately after two weeks that I left that place I went back to all that bad habits for a while, luckely for a while I realised that its not good for me and I reminded myself of all thr things I learned in BloemCare. Smoking cannabis, snuffing cat and eventually things got out of hand and coke (the drug) and ecstacy also made its way into my life. Just remember that that friend of mine was also heavy involved in this. I'm not blaming him but if it wasn't for him that brought those drugs to me so we could "chill" I dont think I would ever have used it.

Okay stating again. I went to BloemCare om the 15th of October 2013, I spent two and a half weeks in there and to be honest I enjoyed it so much. What I learned in there was astonishing... This friend of mine verbally, emotionally and physically abused me without even realising it. It broke me down to the ground when all that bottled emotions came crawling out that fast. Yeah after the mental hospital I was put on antidepressants, anxiety pilles, mood stabilisers and sleeping pills. I felt like a trash can, a broken person just roaming around this earth. The pilles made me numb, every feeling I had had just bottled up into a so called antidepressant hole again.

I can't really remember what happebed the rest of that year, I think it went quite well for that while. I stayed home alone because I parents and two brothers went on chirstmas and new year holiday. I stayed behind because I had to work. I think things went bad again when my boss and one of my colleagues confessed that they also used drugs in their past and that they wanted me to contact my dealer for them. Keep in mind that I was on a mission to stay clean and then they come in the picture and fucked things up all over again. But all in all my December vacation alone with work wasn't all that bad. And so my new year of 2014 started of good and I was excited I had plans and I was ready.