Fury

Chapter Twenty Six

Alex

She was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I could feel her, sense her, even when she was nowhere to be seen. I knew she'd been staying out of the way and I felt guilty for it. I didn't want her sat up there alone, but I also wasn't ready to face her. I knew I was being unfair and cruel, but I was hurt and this was the only way I knew how to react.
I knew she'd seen me with one of the club whores. Nothing had actually happened, but in that moment when our eyes had met, I had wanted her to hurt, just for a minute.

I'd been checking in on her. Every night I would go and watch her sleep, running my fingers through her hair. I'd put her in the room closest to mine just so I could feel as though she was near. I would never look at another woman, the thought made me physically sick.

Pregnant. She was pregnant. The moment the words left her mouth, my world shook. This was all I ever wanted with her. A family we could both love. I don't know what I was thinking asking if the child was mine, I knew it was. I wanted it to be, no matter how I was acting as the moment. The beast in me roared, I completely owned her now. I just couldn't get that look on Charles' face out of my head. The way he took pleasure in revealing everything, knowing it could destroy us. Every time I looked at her, that's what I saw. She'd been married. Married.

Sitting around the breakfast table, I moved the bacon round my plate.

"What's up, baby? You don't like my food?" Jennifer, a club whore, rubbed up against me. She was fairly attractive and I knew the men liked her. I just had no interest at all. Not anymore.
"No, I'm just not hungry."
"Oh, is there anything else I can do for you?" She blinked at me seductively, her had moving up my thigh. I firmly grabbed her wrist.
"No, you can go. Now."

"Alex." Kelsey came bursting through the door, sounding out of breath.
"What?"
"She's leaving."

It felt like I had been punched in the gut. What was I doing? I couldn't walk away from her. I couldn't walk away from my child. I needed them both, more than they needed me. I knew she had said she was going to go, but I didn't think she actually would. Rushing out the room, I saw her walking down the stairs, carrying a few bags. Should she be carrying all that in her condition? I was such a fucking idiot. I didn't even know how far along she was or anything. She thought I didn't want her when really I wanted her more than my next breath.

"Clara, where are you going?" I found myself fixated on her stomach, as if I expected to see movement.
She sighed.
"I told you, I won't do this anymore. I'm leaving."
"Where are you going? Don't you think I deserve to know? Especially now." I nodded towards her stomach.
She laughed.
"Alex, I really don't know what to make of you anymore. You're so hot and cold. I would never have treated you like you didn't exist. I couldn't do that to you. I told you last night and I meant it. I'm done, I need to move on. Yes, I shouldn't have lied, but did you ever think to ask me why I did? Why I came back here? No, you didn't. You just left me. You have a habit of doing that."

She moved past me. I reached out but she flinched. The slight movement cut me. I wasn't him. I would never be him.

"Oh and I forgot something."
She turned to look up at me.
"Here." She thrust the keys that I had left on the side last night at me.
"I could never live there without you, you should never have asked me to. I'm going now, please don't follow me." I could see the tears threatening to fall, but she never let them. She was shutting herself off from me, I couldn't blame her.

"Let her go." I said gruffly to the men surrounding us. I signalled to Garrett to discreetly follow her. They'd been spending a bit of time together, so I thought she would probably feel more comfortable if she spotted him than anyone else.

Emotion flickered over her face. It was as though she didn't want me to let her go. I was so conflicted. Watching her walk out carrying my child would haunt me forever. Seeing Garrett follow behind made my core shake. I should be looking after her but she couldn't stand the sight of me.
Turning, I slammed my fist into the concrete wall, welcoming the pain. I couldn't focus on anything else. I had just watched my entire life walk out the door all because my pride was hurt.

"You can get her back." TJ calmly stated.
"What makes you so sure about that? She won't even look at me." I snorted.
"She may not have then, but I see the way she looks at you when she thinks no ones around. You can't fake that."
I knew exactly what he meant because I felt the same.
"She just needs a bit of time, she needs to remember what it was like when you first met, how you would always protect her, how much you wanted her. She needs to feel wanted again. Not that you're just accepting her because of the baby."
"Since when did you get so wise?"
He winked at me.
"I have my ways."
"Anyway, what's going on with you and Kelsey? You think I haven't noticed the way you look at her?"
"I'm working on it. She'll give in eventually, I can be very persuasive." He smacked me on the back and wandered off towards the bar.

He was right. I had to get her back. I didn't wait eleven years, fixated on a life that I had dreamt up with her, to let it all go in a matter of minutes because I couldn't suck it up. I would die before I let anything happen to her again. But this time when I found her, there would no secrets between us, the truth would be laid bare.