Romitri One-Shots

The Funeral

Wearing black seemed like the worst thing to do on a day like today. I knew it was expected of me to do so, to cry and scream. But there should not be a preset way to show grief. I chose to grieve however I wanted to. And wearing black was the worst idea in the world. 

Grief was a funny thing in itself. What was it really? Immense sadness? Immense pain? A mixture of both, perhaps? I doubted so. I wasn't feeling anything and I hadn't since that terrible day. It was as if the second his neck broke, my ability to feel had vanished with his soul. Evaporated. Never to be seen again. 

When I went back to the Academy, students and teachers alike gave me weak smiles or hugs, expressed their sympathy, offered me their condolences but I couldn't care less. He had been killed, murdered by those I've been trained to slaughter all my life. If you think about it, the whole situation was ironic. So many years of training, one bad decision and poof. Gone, dead. 

Nothing but a memory.  

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His name was echoing everywhere. Even when it wasn't pronounced, I could hear it escape people's thoughts. His name resonated on the walls, so much that it almost lost meaning. But I wanted, needed, his name to be meaningful. He had to be remembered. Otherwise all of this was useless, right? People had to acknowledge his sacrifice, the one I had induced. He died because of me, because of my recklessness. The least I could do was make sure he was remembered. 

The service took place in the chapel. Father Andrew spoke kind words and recited prayers. No one came forward to make a speech. I didn't have the strength to stand in front of everyone and talk about someone I lost. So I simply sat at the very back, hiding. I didn't want anyone to notice me, talk to me, say sorry. I wanted to be locked up in a room. I wanted to cry, to scream, to feel. 

But all I could do was stare blankly and hear. His name, the prayers, words. 

Fortunately, no one got over the events again. I prayed to a god I didn't believe in that I would wake up tomorrow morning and forget everything that happened in the past week. 

After the service, everyone stood up and moved to the other room, probably to chat about lighter things and enjoy some cheap catered food. I stayed in my seat, though. I stared at his picture on the casket. His red hair was so saturated that it seemed lifeless, but I remembered the way it shone when we trained under the rain. Or how his blue eyes had a constant mischief in them when we broke the curfew and hiked in the woods at night. 

Oh, Mason. There are so many things I wanted to say to you.

I didn't see time pass until someone sat down next to me and broke the sphere of stillness I had locked myself in. I didn't need to look to know who it was. The scent of his aftershave filled my nostrils and buried the smell of death. I didn't want to look at him. I refused to let him see me so broken. 

"Roza," he said tenderly. Just the sound of his voice made my soul breathe for the first time in a while. I immediately knew I had been wrong before.  The way his presence made my heart beat proved that I still had feelings. 

"How could I let this happen, Dimitri?" My voice broke. "I had to protect him and I failed. How am I supposed to protect Moroi if I couldn't even protect my friend?"

Dimitri stayed silent. Instead, he grabbed my hand. And I burst into tears. I could be vulnerable around him, I realized. If there was one person, it was him. He understood me like no one else and crying in front of him was much more liberating than I had imagined. 

But I needed more. I needed him to hold me in his arms. Stroke my hair, tell me all would be okay. So I wept harder. I wept for the loss of my friend, the loss of innocence. And I wept for the loss of the one I loved. Soon, he would leave to have kids with another woman whom he could love openly. A woman he could hold while she cried. 

Dimitri whispered something in Russian. In my mind, I pretended he said "I love you".

Hi everyone! Wow. It's been so freaking long I know. I will spare you the details but basically I moved countries and my career exploded and yeah a lot happened. But I am back now! I promise I will try to be as regular with these as I can! I'll do my best!! Requests are welcome :)