It's Always Been You

12

*warning: suicidal thoughts show up in this chapter.*

Alex's POV

"I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment, you won't have to worry about that anymore," I mumbled under my breath.

I went to the only place I could think of. The bridge that Ethan told me about the night we stayed together was waiting for me when I got there.

I don't know why I chose this particular place. Maybe some part of me thought this is where Ethan would come to save me. I knew better than that, though, he didn't care about me. Nobody did.

My heart was numb and I felt empty inside. Everything that has happened recently caught up to me, overtaking my mind. My parents rejection, Ethan using me, my own.... my breath got caught in my throat as I remembered her words. My own sister hated me.

"You're a disappointment to them, Alex, to me. All you care about is yourself," her words echoed in my mind.

They surprised both of us as soon as they left her lips. I could tell she didn't mean to say it, but knew that she meant it.

The wind was tugging at my hair as I looked over the metal and to the ground below. Come on, Alex, nobody will care if you're gone. They all think you're a disappointment, they said it themselves.

I closed my eyes, lifting my head up to the sky. Just let me enjoy this one last minute peace. I couldn't enjoy it though, as all of those hurtful words and disgusted looks flooded into my memories.

I could feel tears flow down my cheeks, the wind taking them away as soon as they fell.

—————
Ethan's POV

"Think, Ethan," my dad screamed at me as he sped towards the park. "Did she say anything about where he would go?"

I shook my head, "I told you he's at the park, where the bridge is at."

My dad spared a second to look at me. I could see the concern lying behind his eyes.

"Let's hope you're right, this is a life we're talking about."

"I know," was all I could say.

I watched the surroundings speed up before us. My thoughts were going a million miles an hour. I couldn't stop thinking about what Alex was doing right now. Was he at the park yet? Has he done it yet? God, I sure hope not.

The tires squealed against the gravel as my dad slammed on the breaks. I jumped out of the car as soon as he put it in park. The cops hadn't showed up yet, the parking lot completely empty.

My feet carried me across the dirt pathway and towards the bridge. Please be there, I begged to the sky.

It didn't take me long to reach the metal bridge, built in the center of the park. I released the breath I had been holding at the sight of Alex's body standing in front of me. His eyes were closed and tears were streaming down his face.

————-
Alex's POV

"Alex," I heard Ethan's voice in the wind.

Don't turn around Alex, he doesn't care about you, he just wants to sleep with you again.

"Alex, please look at me," his voice was straining against the wind.

Don't do it.

"Alex, please baby look at me."

Baby? He just called me baby. I open my eyes slowly, turning my head towards him. My eyes meet his frantic ones. Such a convincing look of concern, my brain informs me.

"Get our of here, Ethan," I can hear myself tell him.

It was like I wasn't there, I was just watching. His hand was stretched towards me.

"Take my hand," his voice was full of concern that I knew was a lie.

I just looked at him, my heart feeling numb again.

"Please," he begged with me, "take my hand."

"Why?" I ask him, wanting to hear it from him.

"Because I love you," the words tumbling out of his mouth.

I don't know why I didn't believe them. "Lies."

His face fell for just a moment at the words.

"You don't care about me, nobody does," the tears were falling hard now.

"That's not true," he shakes his head.

"How is that not true?" I was yelling now. "You don't know anything about me. You walk around that school," I wave my hands around in the air, "as if you're so innocent, but you're not."

"I know."

"My own sister, the one person I thought would be by my side forever, admitted that she hated me."

"Alex, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean a word I said," my sister appears beside Ethan.

"Bullshit, I saw the look on your face. Your eyes could never lie to me, you know that."

She didn't bother to argue anymore. See, I knew it was true.

"Please just take my hand and we'll work all of this out at home," Ethan was now talking.

"Why because you love me?" The words came out emotionless. I was starting to become really cold and I couldn't stop my teeth from chattering.

My ears registered sirens somewhere in the park. I jerked my attention towards the approaching police officers. Ethan turns towards them, telling them something, then turning back towards me.

"Yes, I love you more than words can express."

"I don't believe you. You're just desperate to get me in bed again, I can see the look behind your eyes. That evil look, telling me all that I need to know."

He seems taken aback by my words.

"That's not true and you know it."

I shrug my shoulders, "do I?"

I can tell that he was having a hard time telling the truth. He knew fully well that what I was saying was true. He didn't love me, he loved the thought of loving me. My heart broke at his silent confession.

"I knew it," is all I say before I went under the metal bar separating air from safety.

I closed my eyes, letting everything go. My arms went up, letting the air flow against my sides. I can feel my foot step out, the air greeting it as I took the step forward. Air rushed around me as the world seemed to speed up beside me.

"NO!" I can hear his voice being carried by the wind.

I love you.