It's Always Been You

16

Alex's POV

I picked up my phone for the millionth time that day. The same reaction each time I picked it up. Nothing from Ethan but millions of get well soon texts from a lot of classmates. What could he possibly be doing? I know I exploded on him again but I need him more than ever.

"Can I get you anything?" My nurse asks me for the hundredth time today.

I shake my head, in no mood to say actual words.

"I'm sure he'll be back anytime now," she says when she notices my foul expression.

I just nod at her, watching her leave. My eyes go over to my phone again. The screen lights up and I grab it.

"I'll be there in an hour. We need to talk" -Ethan

"What about?"- Me

"Just some things"- Ethan

"Ok"- Me

I lay the phone back down on the table, resting my head on the pillow behind my neck. What do we need to talk about? Did I do something wrong?

————

Ethan arrives in an hour like he told me. He looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. I take in his disheveled black shirt and bloodshot eyes.

"Hey," I tell him as he slides into the seat beside me.

He gives me a weak smile. "Hey."

"So, what do we need to talk about?" I'm afraid to ask.

"Look," I give him a sideways look. Nothing good ever starts with the word look. "just hear me out before you respond, please."

I force myself to stay calm, giving him a small nod. He releases a breath as he rubs his hands down the front of his jeans.

"Last night after I left I got drunk."

I open my mouth in shock. Drunk?

"I was a mess, Alex. I wasn't thinking clearly when it happened. This guy that looked just like you offered me a drink and I obliged...." he pauses allowing me to digest what he's saying. I have a feeling this is going to somewhere bad.

"It was a stupid mistake, I was out of it okay. One drink led to two and then two led to three. By the time I was done, I was out of it."

"Ethan," My words come out heavy.

His eyes had been looking at the floor all this time and they meet mine now. I can tell that he was about to say something that was going to change whatever relationship we had forever.

"I woke up in a place I didn't know. He was beside me in the bed...."

"Ethan," I repeat unable to say anything else.

"I don't remember anything else."

"You didn't?" I say in almost a whisper.

His eyes go back down to the ground confirming my question. Everything inside me crumbles at his confession.

"I'm so so so sorry, Alex."

He goes to grab my hand and I jerk it away, causing a painful look in his eyes.

"Please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you again."

I just sat there unable to look at him or say anything.

"Please, baby, look at me."

His little nickname causes my head to slowly turn towards him. I took in the person before me as if he was a stranger. This wasn't the guy that I fell in love with.

"Please, give me another chance to fix this."

I stared at him, taking in his desperate eyes. He looked so devastated. I was about to do something that I knew had to be done the moment he hurt me the first time.

"Ethan, I'm done with all of this. This going back and forth, hurting each other. I feel like all we do now is avoid each other. I can't do this anymore," I let the words tumble out before I can second guess myself.

He looks like I had just took a bulldozer and ran him over with it. His hand lets go of mine, sliding off the bed.

"I'm sorry," I don't know why I'm apologizing to him but I am.

He nods his head, "it's fine. I understand, all I want is for you to be happy and I can see that you're no longer happy with me."

"I think you should go," is all I can say.

I watch him as he gets up and walks slowly out the door. I pray silently to myself that he'll look back. He stops and stands in the doorway for a second. Just as I think he's about to look back he continues on out the door.

Once he's gone, I can feel everything inside me tumble down. The string that was holding me to the ground breaks and I can feel tears falling down my face before I can stop them.

(I'm so so sorry that I've been inactive for forever but things just got out of control and I totally forgot about this app. I'm so glad to be back though and hopefully I'll be back to updating everyday)