Art of contact

The GAME - yet to be perfected.

Disclaimer,
this is only mine experience!

It is a game of contact that I am constantly part of. I can't stop or control is as much as I would like to. I feel like beeing pulled towards them. Their presence is irresistible.

I can't describe it all. It is a mystery. But it always goes the same way.
I start talking to a person a or just join a conversation. I look for a way to create conversations and see wheather will they continue. Wheather will they join me and speak about themselves. And how is the talk going to continue. Some laughs and I just do it. In a way they won't realize. I feel like it has to be done. I touch. Maybe just with the back of my hand. Maybe I will grab her back or just tickle a little. And from this point, if she won't move away or signal the fact, that she doesn't like this. It is only repeat and push on. Slowly and graduate. I never met one, that would grabbed the iniciative.
And so we continue in the GAME of getting closer.

And I feel like this is wrong. Because I do all without knowing her. Without beeing sure that she is the one, that I would want. It is only about the presence.

And this is something I want to change. Something that I want to improve. Be more self aware and careful.

But no matter what, there are exceptions. For example I have some that are not affected. Because there are boundries. By age or looks. But there has to be made one or more exceptions. By personality and my requirements that can be pretty big.

There is something that I realised recently. All of the affections towards someone is altered by all the thinking and imagining. I do fall in love with person before even knowing her and because of that I had to change my definitions of eords such as friend, love, affection, and desire.
You might find someone interesting and handsome or pretty and before you know it yoi are only thinking about that person, not even in any sexual way. But it becomes your vision of them, not the real person.
I realised this partialy a long time ago. I had this feeling that there are two not one person that I am dating. The one, that I write to and the one that I meet.
And you can imagine how big this problems grows. Because you are writing to your imagination. You are not writing to the real them, even though you might be looking at some recent picture of them.
This might be too much, but imagine that you are writing to someone that never existed, that it is only part of your imagination. We know there is a lot of movies of this sort.

And this problem has me realised that I don't want to persue the writing contact with people. I want to meet them, even though it is hard to manage and also, it is hard to meet new people, thats the reason why I talk to them on the train.

To conclude I want you to realise how different is the person in real life and in the chat.
Try to make him/her one, I will do the same.