Wishes for Yaoi (Naruto)

Hm

Hi, sorry, not a chapter...

Just a small rant thingy or whatever, because I can't really get it off my chest.

Plus, a little pissy. Why? Because I'm basically pathetic and annoying.

Yeah, anyone else get themselves pissy over the fact that no one pays close attention to see that something is wrong, and that you hate asking for help?

And that when you actually get attention, you try to pretend that everything is alright?

And you over think so much, making everything so damning and unnecessarily difficult, and you don't wanna talk about your depression because so many other people have it worse?

And you're scared about reactions if you do try tell others, like friends and family?

And you worry a lot, thinking you might be snapped at because it's not so bad and it's such a insignificant and small thing to get easily depressed over?

I'll be amazed if I even publish this, if I don't delete it.

Well.

Does anyone else have conversations with themselves about confronting problems and then just feel pathetic for not actually doing it?

I hate confrontations. And people knowing about my problems. And being too much of a wuss to ask for help.

I just wanna cry, a lot. Loudly cry and scream at nothing.

And then there's the fact that you could be doing something productive, like your hobbies, instead of doing nothing and then feeling like shit for not even trying.

Yeah, I'm a procrastinating bitch.

Does anyone else feel that they're so annoying to people and wonder why friends and family even tolerate you? Wonder if they're just faking it and putting up with you?

And if it's genuine, that they're going to drift away like most of your childhood friends? Because you feel distant, but don't want them to ever go away...

And then you just break down because you think that one day, they'll decide to stop being friends and just go away? That you'll be lonely because you have, like, only two genuine best friends that you really care about?

God I hate this.

I wanna be a kid again and not have to deal with these shitty problems.

I want my baby brother back.

I want to be close to my aunts again.

I just wanna stop thinking altogether.

I wanna scream at my parents to quit drinking.

I really wanna scream.

If I do end up publishing this, I'm sorry. For this pathetic thing. I just wanna tell someone, and not get something worse than your little problems as a response.

I really am trying to write, it's just being a little difficult and that I, again, do procrastinate.

Sorry.

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So, sorry about that. I already got over this thirty minutes later because of some memes and fluff. I'm alright now.

But, I'm just gonna publish this anyway, because I feel like it'll make me feel better that someone will know. Even if it's like how many readers that would rather read the smuts.

Or maybe it'll make me seen like someone who just wants attention

Heh.

Because, despite that we're super close, I'm not comfortable with talking with my friends about my problems, and when I do, it takes a lot of time to just think of the right way to start.

Actually, I'm not comfortable at all to talk about my problems. Because when I do, my throat decides to form a lump and suffocate me and I'll feel like crying. And I don't like crying in front of people.

Soo yeah.

Yep.

Bleh.

Writing this was more easy because I was more enthusiastic, but right now, I'm not in a Naruto fanatic mode sadly. I'm getting more into my Billdip mode.

So, again, sorry for taking so long to publish. And you must be disappointed to just see this annoying chapter...

Sorry.

I would have Rui come in and tell me to stop saying sorry, but she's preoccupied with finding Shou. Because he escaped when a reader decided to help.

Rui thanks the reader and hopes every reader enjoys the smut I write. She knows she does.

I just love that people are actually interested in this book, because I usually expect that it wouldn't be appealing to most. I love your comments and hope to get spurred on by your requests -ones i can do- and try my best to complete it.

So, I hope I'll finish at least one or two smut soon, instead of my usual struggles to think of an acceptable idea.

So thanks for understanding, I hope, and sorry for this not being an update.