Kehlani
Chance already left and now I'm here alone, with nothing but my thoughts to fill the silence. I curl up in my bed and stare out of my window to clear my mind enough to think.
He's having a baby. Without me.
Well not really without me. He wants me apart of this but I don't really know how.
My bed smells so good. Fuck. It smells like Chance.
I get up and walk around my house but all I can see and smell is him. I can't think in this environment.
I pick up my phone and call Sam and Eddie, hopefully they can help.
"Hey baby!" Ed says once he picks up.
"Hi."
"Uh oh what's wrong?"
"Are you okay?" I hear Sam yell.
"Uh yeah. Can I come over?" I ask.
"Of course, we're at my place." Sam says.
I say okay and start to put on shoes and grab a bottle to head over there. During the short drive I try to weigh my options but get so distracted that I almost run a red light. It's best if I wait til I get to the house.
I get to the door and it swings open before I knock. Sam pulls me in and starts questioning me.
"So apparently Chance is a daddy. Well almost."
"Excuse me what? I'm gonna kill that bright ass nigga." Ed starts to find his shoes but I stop him.
"No let me explain, I shouldn't have started like that." I take a deep breath and tell them everything he told me. Their faces show as much shock and confusion as I had.
"Wait so he did not cheat on you. Because I will knock his head off." Sam says.
"No he didn't. All of this happened while we went together. And he found out before we really became a thing again." I clarify.
"How you feel?" Ed asks. I slump down and shrug.
"I don't fucking know! I mean I can't be mad but I'm not exactly happy."
"Aw Lani." They hug me and rub me shoulders and back.
"Well shit you've always wanted to be a mom." Ed points out.
"But Ed this isn't her baby."
"And I don't wanna be a mom just yet. I still wanna do some non-parental shit then when I'm ready I'll have a baby." I tell them.
"Well look. How far along is Kelly." Sam asks.
"Kelly?"
"The baby mama." Sam says.
"I thought it was Chelsea." Ed says.
"No no no, Kensli is Chance's soon to be daughter. Kirsten is the baby mama." I tell them. They nod in understanding. "But she's 8 months now."
"Goddamn you have no time at all. Bitch you need to figure this out now!" Sam says. I hit her arm.
"Don't you think I know that! That's why I'm here! I wish I would've known sooner."
"Okay okay, so he didn't do anything wrong to you. Plus think about it he just found out too, so he has to figure out shit for himself. And you've always wanted to be a mommy." Ed explains.
"Yeah but that's not her baby. And what if her and Chance don't stay together, what if the baby mama becomes a problem? What if the baby mama doesn't want her around the baby? Then it'll all be for nothing and Keh has to struggle through it."
"Wow thanks guys you're great." I sit back and fold into myself.
Sam and Eddie go back and forth arguing about what I should do with the facts and how I should feel, etc.
I want a family, I want it with Chance. It's been my dream to be a mommy for as long as I could remember, and I remember once I fell for Chance I knew I would hav his child. But he's doing that without me. They have a kid now and I have no parts in that. Of course I could stay and help but I think that'd be painful. I don't think I'd be able to handle it.
Oh god why does this have to be so stressful? I love this man so much and yes he's done stupid things but this is deep. And I can't even be fucking mad about it. He's inviting me into a new world and I don't know how ready I am to join. What would I want him to do if roles were reversed? Would I want him to stay and help me? Have our beautiful little family with one extra, or leave so it won't be a burden to him?
I just don't want to lose him, our relationship just got to a good place. I'll miss going to bed with him, waking up with him, cooking for and with him, touching him wherever just because he's here. Would that be gone? Would I have to say goodbye all the way?
Fuck fuck fuck.
"Kehlani!" Ed yells. I'm snapped out of my thoughts and brought back to Sam's living room. "What are you gonna do?"
"Time is crunched boo." Sam reminds me.
"Uh. I'll talk to you later. I'll keep you updated." I jump up and head out the door. I get to my car and immediately text him.
Kehlani: I need to talk to you
CJ💗: come over
