Once Before

14 - One Fateful Afternoon

Corliss looked to me as if trying to decide on something as her silence stayed long after I finished telling her the story of how Arthur had proposed to me, and how I had accepted.

"I know that it wasn't right," I continued, seeing that she had no intention of saying something. "At the end of the day, I will be breaking his heart, but so long as the day continues, I must pretend everything is fine. But what else is there to do, reject his proposal?"

From the way her eyes met mine, I knew that that's exactly what she thought I should've done in the first place.

"Clemmie," She began, sitting up straight. "It's not an easy decision, I'm aware. But I believe that to reject him now is the more merciful choice, which would ultimately spare him the guilt and anxiety of losing someone he loved so dearly, especially when the circumstances of your disappearance would always remain a mystery."

"I wasn't strong enough to tell him no, Corliss. I don't think I ever will be."

"You must, if not for yourself, then for him. More times than I can count, the certainty of knowledge is a far better medicine for our heartbreak than the lack of it - all those nights spent wondering where they were, how they were, or even if they're still alive at all. Mystery is only as good as they come in stories, but not in real life.

"But despite it all, Clemmie, I know that you are strong enough. You seldom forget that I've watched you grown, scarce as the moments we spent together may be."

"And there isn't anything I can do to stay here? I know that my parents and my friends will be fine without me Corliss, but I don't think I can leave him", I asked, desperate for an answer that I dreadfully know the answer to. But still, ask I must.

"My dear girl," She sighed, the warmth of her palms engulfed mine. "I am so sorry. I cannot even begin to understand how you must be feeling at this very moment. Alas, no one can meddle with time, not the most powerful sorcerer nor any ancient spell."

"But I love him Corliss, more than I have ever loved anyone before," my voice cracked, as the tears that stung my eyes finally fell.

"And you're deeply fortunate to have that kind of love, however short lived it may be. Savour it my dear, as not everyone in this world is lucky enough have what the two of you share."

I looked down into the cup of the now cold tea that Corliss had given me when I had arrived, struggling to piece my thoughts together, dreading what must be done as I take my leave.

"I'll go to tell him then," I whispered by the door, Corliss putting on my coat for me.

"But Corliss," I stopped, taking hold of her hands, to her surprise. "Since I don't know the extent of time I have left here, please look after him when I'm gone. I don't care if he despised me or cursed my name, I just want him to be able to live on without me."

"I will," She nodded, smiling "You can count on me."

I smiled back, unable to find enough energy to muster any other word. As I walked away from Corliss' shop, every step weighing heavier than the last, I thought about the experience of dying.

I've never given it much thought before, and I've certainly never lingered on it enough to let it grow into fear, not even when I had been drowning in the ocean and lost my consciousness, or when I was dragged by the storm that took me here.

But now, even though I'm not dying, the idea of having a limited time in this world, combined with the uncertainty of when the time might come, scared me more than anything ever did before.