Hiccstrid Superhero AU

Part 10: Cluttered Mind, Hollow Heart

A/N: I'm sorry. I'm sorry it's been so long. Life catches up to you so fast, trapping you in the present, forcing you to leave your past behind. I've been so focused on my future, the university I get into, my art career, my family and my friends, that I lost connection to my writing. I'm here to fix that now. I've neglected it for too long, and it's become unfair to you all. I thank you for your support, for your effort to keep me writing. Every single one of you that left a comment, voted on my story, spurred me on despite my silence; you all mean the world to me. To the person who's reading this right now, thank you. Thank you so, so much.

Trigger warning: Blood/involuntary self harm + language

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Astrid's POV:

The hallway was quiet, considering that it was still early morning. My footsteps made nary a sound as I passed room after room, absentmindedly following the route Hiccup had led me through the day past.
Eventually, I reached the exit.

Outside was nice. Cool, but nice. I let the air wash over my face for a moment before venturing out further into the grounds. I walked around for a while, exploring the Edge. I was naturally drawn to the huge forest that bordered the area, the beasts within me murmuring their desire to run, to explore;

To hunt.

The thought shook me to the bone. I wanted to hunt. I wanted to kill. They wanted me to hunt. They wanted me to kill.

I turned away from the forest and took to the skies instead.

Wings burst from my shoulders, eyes turning to a bright yellow-gold. My nails became talons, my skin feathers.

Falcons were my favourite. They always had been, ever since I was a child. The freedom they represented, the confidence in their movements. It was all very alluring to me.

Freedom. I liked that word. Freedom. It wasn't something I'd been able to experience much in my life. I was only ever given a taste of it before it was ripped away from me, beaten out of my soul by the man who captured me. He clipped my wings, muzzled my maw. Trapped me in a cage and left me to suffer alone as I discovered the harsh reality of the world I lived in. Nobody is truly free. I am bound by the chains of my past, lost in a sea of grief and regret. I am drowning. I am drowning and-

A power line.

I ducked sharply out of the way, barely missing the obstacle as I scrambled awkwardly in the air, trying to regain my balance.

Bastard.

My thoughts lost in the action, I turned my mind to other topics. Romantic topics, to be specific.
I thought about Hiccup. I've thought about him a lot lately, if I'm being honest. It's just that I can't quite figure out just what our relationship is with each other.
I've been in relationships before, don't get me wrong, take my ex-girlfriend, Heather, for example. She was a sweetheart. And I liked her, I really did, but it didn't work out in the end, with her moving away from Berk and all.
However, this, this thing I have with Hiccup is... Different. There's something about him that I can't help but be attracted to; and it's not just his looks. There's a certain, softness about him. I hear it in the way he talks, see it in the way he walks; it's like he's on a whole other level from us all, and he doesn't even know it. It's either that, or he knows and just chooses to behave humbly about it. Either way, I admire him for it.
It's just.. The past couple days I've been really quite.. Spontaneous, with my actions.
I've rushed into something I don't really understand, and I feel it's starting to affect me. I know just the other night we— well,
we did things; and I was convinced that it was 'love', but it's just.. Too much, too fast.

Why did I even kiss him that first time?

Another question I didn't really know the answer too. All I knew was that it was my fault that I was stuck in this mindset. I brought this upon myself knowing that I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Hiccup doesn't deserve this.

I'm such a fucking moron.

As I thought, I flew further and further out from the edge. I didn't realize just how far I'd gone the until base was completely out of view, and I was all by myself.

No more buildings. No more robotic dragons. No more pretty boys with lopsided smiles and forest green eyes.

I flew on, my eyes blank, my body becoming one with the wind and the sky. I was flying, but never more had I felt like falling.

I want to be free,

Why can't I be free?

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours. But still, I roamed. My wings burned with effort, my head ached with the rush of a thousand thoughts, all of them tearing at my conscious with the ferocity and desperation of a starved animal.

I'm so tired...

The ground grew closer, my mind grew darker.

Impact.

It hurt. Why does everything hurt? The forest above me looms, the sun high in the sky seems to mock me as I lay prone in the merciless wild.

I'm so cold.

I'm so warm.

I'm human again. I feel the blood leaking from my mouth, the world around me becoming a haze.
I see blurry shapes in the sky above. Everything is blurry now.

Hiccup?

Stormfly?

The scraps of hope I feel are lost as a jolt of pain erupts through my body. I scream.

I feel talons digging into me, tearing into the flesh of my stomach. I look down to find my own clawed hands buried deep within myself, blood bubbling up and around from where they are embedded in the soft flesh.

It's me.

I rip away my hands, the claws I can barely see are thick with blood. My blood.

F-Fuck.

I sob. I cough. I feel tears dribbling down my cheeks, uncontrollable as they drip down onto my neck and into the dirt.

Everything hurts.

I want to go home.

I want my mum and dad.

I want my baby sister.

Please- fuck- I need help.

But nobody came.

I lay, clutching my hands to the wounds they had made for what seemed like hours.

I felt weak. I felt lost. I felt completely and utterly alone.

So I gave up. I closed my eyes. I let myself slip into the bitter grip of unconsciousness, unsure if I would ever wake up again.

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A/N:

Shits going down