I Wish | L.H. AU

Therapy

SAM'S P.O.V.

I ate my ShakeShack quietly with the lads, the doctor stepping into the room as Luke and Calum sang some stupid song. He smiled at me awkwardly as the female therapist followed behind him. I glared at her as she walked to my bedside. "So you're the woman who's here to tell me I need medication and I'm not stable enough to leave yeah?" I asked, my tone filled with sarcasm and pure disgust.

The woman chuckled awkwardly, "Well, no Ms.Smith, I'm here just to talk to you and see how you're doing. My name isn't woman also, I'm Mrs.Hartford." She smiled at me, but she clearly wasn't smiling out of pleasure.

"Someone wanted to marry you?" I scoffed, "What do you analyze your husbands every word?"

Mikey coughed, "Do you want us to leavev Mrs.Hartford?" He asked and she nodded. They all grabbed their food and went towards the door, Luke kissing my forehead softly before he left. Mikey looked at me, "Don't be too sassy now Sam, she's just trying to help." I rolled my eyes at him, but nodded. He smiled, winking at me before shutting the door.

The doctor smiled, "Alright, so I'll leave you two alone. The session is supposed to be around an hour." He walked out of the room, shutting the door gently.

I watched her take out her little notepad and fix her glasses before taking a deep breath and looked at me, "So Samantha, lets g-"

"Sam." I cut her off, "The name is Sam." She wrote that down once I finished, making me want to burst out in laughter. Is her brain so bad she can't retain any information?

She nodded, "Alright Sam, lets talk about why you cut yourself."

I scoffed, "Right down to business eh?" She looked at me, confused. "No: have you been depressed lately? Do you feel like the media focuses on you too much? Do you feel bullied?"

Mrs.Hartford shook her head, "I don't care about any of that stuff. There was one major event that pushed you, a beautiful, young, popular actress, to try and kill herself." She said, placing her notepad on the table, "I use that to seem professional, but if you want me to be casual I will." I nodded, sitting up and placing my phone on my lap, "Sam, I am not here to call you crazy...I'm just here to try and make sure you stay on this Earth."

"Well, sometimes people don't want to stay." I said quietly, "I lost everything." I admitted, looking at her sadly, "My boyfriend and I had just broke up, and I knew that Luke and I were done since he didn't even speak to me....and I kissed Ashton..then Luke said he didn't want to take me back...and Ashton had said that he would, because he still loved me." Tears began to roll down my cheeks, "And I couldn't handle being on Earth anymore. My mind was so dark, yet so blurred." Wiping my eyes I looked out of the window, seeing Luke's blonde hair through the shades, "I love him so much...and the fact that I had given up everything to be with him and know he didn't want me anymore...it killed me."

A sigh left Mrs.Hartford's lips, "Sam, if I may just speak up here." She chimed in, "Do not ever put your happiness into someone else's hands." Her hand touched mine, "I don't know you Sam...but by the way you just spoke, and the look in your eyes, I can tell that you're sad. Even with you and him starting anew." I sniffled, causing her to hand me a tissue, "I can help you become happy and independent and okay with yourself...if you want it?"

I shook my head, "Not now Mrs.Hartford..I just, can't handle a therapist right now. I need to handle the media and the storm that's coming." I said and she nodded, "But. I would like your number, please."

She smiled, typing into my phone and saving it as Jen Hartford. "I never got to introduce myself," She stated, leaning back in her chair, "I'm Jennifer Hartford, currently 45 years old and have always lived in the wonderful city of New York." My eyes widened as she said her age, "Yes, I know 45." We both chuckled, "I have two children, Matthew who is 17 and Beth who is 10. My husband is a very famous doctor, Jonathan Hartford. We've been married for around 20 years, and we live in up state New York." Jen smiled, "I've been a therapist for eight years, and before that I was a doctor who worked with very very sick children. I used to love talking to them in the late hours of the night, so I haven't always been there for my children. But with this job, I'm able to make my own appointments-for the most part. I love to cook and to listen to music, and I love to watch tv and movies."

A smile grazed my lips, "You seem pretty cool...I'm sorry I was rude to you earlier." I apologized, "Bad previous experiences with a therapist. But I need to get ready to leave, so if you could tell the doctor that we're done and tell the lads to come in, that would be really nice."

Jen smiled at me, "I will surely do that." She stood up, patting my hand, "Text, call, anything you need, whenever you need okay Sam?" I nodded as she walked towards the door, "Talk to you later." She winked at me before leaving and shutting the door.

I grabbed my phone, a smile on my face as I turned on my camera. My hair was a mess, and I had no makeup on, but I need to do this. I pressed the record button, "Hey guys, it's me Sam. So I know that you all have heard about what happened to me, and I think you guys should know my side." I took a deep breath, "I've dealt with selfharm for so long I can't even count the years, but I was clean for a very long time...and something in me just broke. I couldn't hold anything in at all and I thought it was time to end my life." I smiled sadly, "But it wasn't. I was just speaking to someone who said to never put your happiness in the hands of others, and it's so true." I smiled at the camera and waved goodbye, "I love you all so much, and I'll be sure to be keeping you updated once I leave this God forsaken hospital, which I'm in right now. Bye guys."

Luke smiled at me, walking over and sitting on the edge of my bed, "That was very heartfelt." He whispered, taking my hand in his. I raised my eyebrow and looked around, "The lads went home. I told them to get some rest." He nudged my hip, "Push over, I want to lay with you." I blushed softly, moving over for him. I uploaded the video to twitter, and to instagram in small bits, and to facebook, writing the caption: I love you all, speak to you soon, sorry-Sam xxx "You shouldn't apologize Sam." Luke mumbled as he began to doze off.

A sigh left my lips, "No..I needed to apologize. I let all my fans down, and myself." I looked up at Luke, his pure beauty just laying there in front of me, "I love you Luke..."

He smiled with his eyes closed, his lip ring being tugged between his teeth, "I love you too Sam, now get some rest. You get to leave tomorrow."

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HOLY COW IT'S BEEN SO LONG! I AM SO SORRY! You just do not understand how stressful school has been, I want to throw myself off a bridge. But I thought an update was needed, and you guys have been raising the reads and votes and comments. PLEASE KEEP IT UP! I love you all so much and will try to update as soon as I can xxxxxxxx