Can I?- Sander Sides AU

Chapter 9- Virgil

I take a shaky breath. I want to talk to Thomas, but if the others are still there, Roman might start yelling at me again and Logan will try to disprove all of my anxious thoughts. Patton will probably try to stand up for me but it's only a matter of time before he turns on me too. What if Thomas doesn't want me to show up? And I just bother him? 

Soon enough, I get a panic attack. All of my thoughts swirled in my head, creating an infinite loop of anxiety, panic and nervousness. I try to calm myself down to no avail. Now I'm probably freaking Thomas out. I manage to calm down a bit but then I started to sink again. Well, Thomas must want to talk to me. I try to make myself look calm and collected. 

Lies. Absolute bullshit. You're scared out of your fucking mind right now.

I look up and face Thomas. I see fear enter his eyes, but he tries to control his outward stance, "What do you want." I snap, trying to act unafraid and aware of everything. He gulps, "Umm, hi to you too? Who are you?" He asks, and I sigh, "Anxiety." He nods and I shove my hands into my pockets. I feel the note in my hand, "Hey, I have a question for you." I say, pushing my voice past my throat, trying to keep the illusion that I am collected and calm. Thomas nods and I ask my question, "D-do you know someone in your school called Patton?" He thinks for a second then slowly nods his head, "Uhh, I think he's in my class. Nice kid." I let out a breath I didn't realise what I've been holding. "How has he been doing?" Thomas looks taken aback by this question, "Umm, I dunno." He shrugged. I rub my temples realising this is going to be hard, "Can you check for me?" He squints his eyes suspiciously, "Why?" His voice waivers, "Look, I don't feel like explaining it right now, but I just need you to do that for me. Please?" He nods. 

"Why'd you call me? Do you need anything?" I ask. His head jolts like he remembered something, "Yeah. I was gonna ask; are you my anxiety? What did you do before when you showed up?" I honestly don't know what I did. I just didn't want to see him wince at every yell. "Yes, I  am your anxiety. And I took away your stress earlier today." I say. It wouldn't benefit him if he knew that I didn't know. He somewhat smiles and rubs the back of his neck anxiously. 

"Can you, like, chill a bit? I'm guessing that you really can't control it completely, but is there anything I can do to calm myself down when I'm having a panic attack?" I snort a bit. At least he guessed right, "You can breathe. In for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and breathe out for 8 seconds. That's one I sometimes use." He nods, "Other than that, I can't really do anything. Sorry." 

"Okay, thanks!" He smiles and I give a two-finger salute and sink out. I appear in my room and put on my headphones. Music flowing through my ears when I hear a knock my door. I stand up and drag my feet towards the door. I open it and see no one there. I look down and see a small note. Written in orange pen, I read the front. A welcome note. I reach down to pick it up and as soon as I do, there's a tingling sensation running through my fingers. I give a last look down the hall and turn back to my room. Closing the door behind me, I look at the little note again. The tingling sensation has evolved into a mild burning one. I put it down on my desk and eye it suspiciously. What was that note cursed with? I grab a pencil and use it to open the note. I don't trust it. 

Inside is a little welcome note. That's it. Nothing else. It's somewhat nice sure, but why put some sort of black fuckery on it? I throw the note in the trash and lay on my bed, trying to push the events of today out of my mind. The way Roman had yelled at me without a second thought, the way Logan looked unapprovingly at me, and how guilty Patton looked. Thomas's terrified looks were enough to tell me that I was not wanted. How unwanted I was. All I do is bring fear. Anxiety is a disorder, so why am I here. Why can't I be with Rose and mum? Why can't I be free from this hellscape? There was a reason I stepped in front of that bus and if I didn't, I would've tried to reach out, tell someone. Then you would be a burden. A nuisance. Unloading your problems on someone else is not the answer. 

Mabey it was the answer. But it's too late now. I can't really do anything now, seeing I'm dead. I look out the window and see the sun setting. It looks as beautiful as always, but my mind is still wandering. It's so boring here. And besides, I need to talk to Deceit. If I didn't know the other sides before I was summoned, then I would have a LOT of questions. He doesn't know that I know about them. Mabey I can stuff with Deceit for a bit. 

I walk down the dark and dim hall towards the black door with yellow snakes brimming the sides. I knock and hear shuffle footsteps. "What do you want." He opens the door, yellow eye gleaming. I decide to play the confused role, "So. Are there other sides?" He looks surprised, then exits his room closing it behind him, "Follow me." He leads me to the kitchen, and I oblige, "Why do you ask?" he questions me. "I may or may not have been sunk in front of a boy named Thomas, and met 3 other look-alikes," I say with a tired voice. I wanna go to sleep, but I wanna know what Deceit knows. "Who are they?" I ask. Deceit sighs, "There are other sides, but they don't really like us." Remus walks in, "Like us? Dee, they HATE us. All caps. Even my brother does."

"Brother?" I question, "Yeah, the one that looked like a prince? Creativity, or 'Prince' Roman." Remus said Prince very mockingly. I mean, Roman's not that bad- scratch that he's the worst. "He was yelling at me! And That other dude. Y'know the one with the necktie." I say, trying to sound confused. 

"That dickbag? he's the worse. Always so literal. It is fun to mess around when talking to him though." Remus whines, plopping down on the seat next to me. Wow. They hate them.  Is that why they had such a distaste to me? Because I'm not from there, so they must have realised that I was from here. "What was the problem when you were summoned?" Deceit asks me, his piercing eyes looking straight at me, "I actually don't know. I poped up and saw three people whisper about the boy's mental health and, who I assume is Thomas, against the wall, having a panic attack." I state. Deceit nods, taking in the infomation that I told him, "What did you do?" he asks, "Well, i started to walk towards him, then princey started yelling at me. As I got closer to him, the yellng got louder and so did everything else and then he started to sit up a it but then I was getting a panic attack and it was not fun." I say, words shooting out like bullets. 

Deceit gives a mischievous smirk and looks at Remus, who has a crazed and demented look in his eye. He says four words that fill me to the brim with dread,

"I have a plan."

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Word count: 1401

Soooooooooooooooo, sorry I haven't updated in a while, I'm just lazy. Hope you're well and if you have any suggestions on what Deceits plan should include, comment please! (I have a very rough Idea) Anyways, stay awesome, stay sweet and don't forget to love each other!

Love ya

-An Aussie Unicorn <3