Reckless Abandon (Part 1)

Chapter one

"Please tell me you at least got out of bed today."

I could hear the tone in her voice.  She didn't want to deal with me right now and who would?  I was overbearing, a burden on her shoulders she shouldn't have to deal with.  I turned over, pulling the blankets over my head, my eyes heavy.  "I did," I lied, giving in and letting my eyes fall shut.

Alice let out a sigh and I could practically hear her eyes roll. "Harlen, it's been three days, when are you going to get over this?" she asked, her tone less than sympathetic.

I felt a lump grow in my throat and pushed my head into my pillow. "Sorry," I whispered, my voice weak.  There I went, disappointing yet another person.  Go me.

"Don't be sorry, H," she said on a breath. "When are you coming back?"

I sank deeper into the darkness and shook my head, my eyes burning.  I didn't want to ever go back.  "Just give me today, please?"  The least I could do was give her another day away from me.  It wasn't much, but I knew she would be grateful not having to put up with me.

"Fine," she replied before her voice lightened as she went on. "Oh, hey, you'll be able to meet the new Literary teacher, he starts tomorrow and I he's supposed to be super sexy."

I let out a sigh.  Awesome, just what I needed, another person to try and fool.  I was okay, I was fine, I am laughing and smiling, see?  Tricking people is hard when you're too exhausted to breathe.  "Okay."

"Well, this convo is boring, with a capital B.  I'll see you tomorrow?  Yeah?  We can get a good look at him together."

"Okay, bye."

"Byyyeee," she sang before hanging up.

I locked my phone and tossed it onto the floor before rolling over and forcing myself back to sleep.

~               ~             ~              ~               ~

Two a.m. rolled around after 16 hours of sleep and I, for the first time in days, pushed myself out of bed and took a shower.  It felt nice, washing away all of the dirt and grime from the days of sleeping, but it was exhausting.

When my skin was bright red and the water was ice cold, I finally got out and treated my hair before picking up my phone and crawling back into bed. In these moments, in the dawning light of a new day when the world was still asleep and I was wide awake after a long episode, I wanted to call someone.  I didn't want to talk, I just needed something to fill the silence.  Something that reminded me of life.  Something that told me that maybe I would survive graduation.

After scrolling through Facebook for a while, I tossed my phone away and headed downstairs to the kitchen. I hadn't eaten much of anything in the last few days. A granola bar here and there before falling back asleep, however, if I were to go to school in a few hours, I needed my strength.

I pulled out a pan and some eggs. While the eggs cooked, I poured myself a glass of milk. Calcium was important after what little food I had given myself.

"Bit early to be putting milk in your stomach."

I looked up as my dad sat down on the other side of the island, his scruff and hazel eyes illuminated only by the light above the stove.  He always believed drinking milk before 8am would result in a cottage cheese build up. Gross.

I watched him for a moment before setting my glass down and turning to the fridge.  "I need some calcium," I explained, my voice as weak as my movements.  I turned back to the eggs and stirred them slowly.  I didn't want him to see how weak I was.  I didn't want him to see that I was struggling to hold up a spatula.  When the eggs were done, I flipped off the stove and grabbed a plate before turning back to my dad.