Reckless Abandon (Part 1)

Chapter Five

Hey guys, it's Amelia!  I just wanted to thank you guys for reading this amazing book and I hope you all enjoy this special chapter, written from Elijah Reign's POV!

Enjoy!

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I knew this was wrong, but we were the same, her and I.

If I took away school, the age difference was only eight years and she would be 18 next month, graduated in six months.  

I let out a sigh and shook my head, turning away from her as she turned the corner.  I would be condemned for this.

I walked back into class, the muttering going silent when I did.  I looked around the class as they all stared at me in silence.  I was their teacher.  I had all of the power here and when I was one of them, I would have given anything for a teacher to stand up for me.

"Listen," I began, walking over and leaning back against my desk.  "What Ms. Nichols announced was not okay and because of that, she will be suspended.  However, this is a good chance for me to have this talk with you.  How many of you have suffered or seen others suffer of depression or of a sadness they couldn't explain or stress or anxiety?"

I didn't expect anyone to raise their hands, but there were a few brave souls.  I knew the truth.  "Thank you for being honest."  I stood and held my hands behind my back as I paced through the class room.  "The truth is that the halls of every high school around the world are filled with kids who are depressed, sad for no reason, stressed, anxious, hurt, scared and who feel lost.  The issue is that all of you walk around thinking that you're the only one who feels that way.  You all walk around acting as if it doesn't bother you, acting like you're okay and treating others the way you are treated.  Even if you don't realize it, what you say can hurt someone so much, it drives them to ending their own lives."

They all looked around at each other and I wondered what was going through their heads.  Hopefully I was getting through to them.

"Harlen is hurting," I went on, careful as to how I worded this.  I cared so much for her.  I just wanted to help.  "And I don't know what's going on in her life, but obviously she was pushed to the point where no one should ever be pushed.  You guys want to talk about her.  You want to whisper about how you're finally noticing that she's too thin, to sick looking."  She was beautiful.  Her skin so soft and when she blushed, oh, how my heart raced.  "Don't.  What if that was your sister, your girlfriend, your mom?  What if people were whispering about her behind her back and you heard them?  How hurtful would that be?"

They all looked so ashamed.  Good.  They needed this.

"The last thing that girl needs is to hear whispers as she walks through the halls.  She needs help and for those of you silent in your suffering, I know a thing or two that might help you and that might help you help others.  Would you like to know what those things are or are you done?"

"I would like to know."

"Me too."

"Me too."

I listened and looked around as they all nodded and agreed and it made me so happy.  This is what needed to be done.  This is why I became a teacher, to make a difference.  "Take out your notebooks if you'd like," I instructed, watching as most put pen to paper.  "For people with anxiety, panic attacks are scary, I know.  You need to try grounding yourself.  That means that when you start feeling the walls close in and you can't catch your breath, start naming the things around you.  Whether it's how many desks and chairs there are in the room or characteristics of your favorite person.  You need to adjust your hold on reality.  It's the only way to really come back down from that.  To those who are so stressed out, you haven't eaten in days.  Take a deep breath, get out of the situation and go on a walk.  Breath in some fresh air and what you need to do is start by accomplishing the small things.  Make your bed when you get up.  That's one thing you got done for the day and if it's the only thing, take pride in it.  You got something done.  You're one step closer to your goal.  Tomorrow, try making your bed and washing your breakfast dishes and every day add one more small thing.  Water a plant, air out your house, light a candle and if for some reason, you wake up and you feel stressed and overwhelmed again, go back to just making your bed and never forget to take pride in that.  You did something and that's something to be proud of.  If you are suffering from depression, any one of these things will help, but you also need to figure out the little things.  Those things that make you happy.  A cup of coffee with some extra caramel.  That one breakfast sandwich from that one shop on 6th, the color of makeup that makes your eyes pop, a sweater, a scarf, a screensaver on your phone, the smell of a certain candle.  Find what those things are and indulge in them.  You can't live your life for everyone else when you can't even live your life for yourself and guys?  The absolute most important thing you must never forget is this; tell someone.  You don't have to tell them that you are hurting or why because I know it's hard to explain sometimes, that feeling in your chest, but you need to tell them something.  If reading in class causes to much anxiety for you, tell your teacher and if they don't want to listen, come to me and I will talk to them in private.  If you're in a place where you can't even get out of bed that day, call the school and we will figure it out.  If you are feeling like you can't go on, I urge you to talk to someone.  I know it's terrifying.  Trust me when I say I know how scary that is, but you will never know that there are others out there like you if you don't speak up.  Take this class for example, every one of you raised their hands.  You are not alone and there is a girl walking these halls who got to the point of trying to kill herself and you guys wanted to go out and talk about it behind her back.  She doesn't need that, she needs smiles.  She needs people who care about her to keep her alive."