envelop, a written letter

apologies

you may never read this and that's okay. i accepted it..

truly to those ive disappointed. made feel to the point they may never want me again. i hope you know i appreciate you. i love the memories we had, or have. i wish be here if youre sad, alone, mad, hurt. i wont leave you. even if you hate me with your guts.

i will grow and shrink...

this is an apology for if anything that could happen in the future. either i commit to the crime i may do, or i disappear. you wont miss me. i know... i wouldnt miss myself.

the battle of not only depression but self image, is unbearable. feeling this way day in and day out, makes me violently sick. i miss being happy. i miss everything again...

i do not know who i truly am... i question day in and day out. im shocked.. everyone says they really care. but do they? think. do they.

in reality ive detached myself completely from that. i could not even want to be alive at this moment. why would i wish to be? its pointless. i AM pointless.

i cannot question much more until now. must i continue? must i not? i dont know. i know im not much important. you dont message me now... nor text me... nor hang out with me. you have some other person. mind you, they hate me, even muted me. its okay thought! youre happier.

i really wish i could be that happy. depression wont let me.... ah i bet that annoys ya.. it annoys me. i cant stand this. its so fucking silent right now. i faked daily since i met you of being fucking happy...  i dont like being the downer. and im sorry.

i dont know what to do. im a mess. i question and question. you'll never open this letter. i know you wont. the letter is useless. it sucks. this sucks.

hey... would you be mad?  actually dont answer that. best not to do so. i hope you know how wonderful its been. i miss the talks we had. talking about dumb shit a lot. it was nice. but... i hope you know it was nice... and im sorry. please. dont mind me. i wont bother no more.

thank you. but.

im sorry.