Promise from the heart

Chapter 22

Jordan watched Charlie as he cooked. He didn't have a recipe that Jordan could see, but he didn't hesitate even once. He looked like he belonged there in that kitchen. He knew his way around and whatever he was making, it smelled heavenly. He moved around as if is his body and mind worked on memory alone, doing something that he'd done so many times it was second nature to him. How lucky his siblings are, Jordan couldn't help but think. Whatever they may lack in their lives, having a brother like Charlie surely must make up for it. It would for him, had he had someone like that.

Jordan wasn't picky with food, but he had been eating so much diner food, takeout and pre-cooked meals from the grocery store, that he had lost his appetite. Eating was all about sustenance and necessity to him nowadays, and he took little, if any pleasure in it. In fact, he could scarcely recall what he'd eaten today, let alone the last few days, weeks. Even should he look through his own trash, he wasn't sure any memories would spring to mind. He'd been doing it on auto pilot, not actively thinking about what he did at all. Simply surviving. 

That was the case with a lot of things these days. He felt like he was just floating along, not truly there. He was existing, but no one could call his current life "living". He ate his meals alone, and essentially lived alone, even though his father was still physically present in the same house. He may be in there in body, but certainly not in spirit. The only times his father made himself known was before he went out with his friends, all of them big, burly mindless drones, always ready to do his father's bidding. And when he was eagerly yelling himself hoarse, calling Jordan every derogatory name he knew. Or the worst of times, when things had seemed alright for some time, just when Jordan had begun to release the breath he'd been holding, and his father would approach him, silent as the grave. He'd spring up virtually from nowhere and he wouldn't yell, no, he'd lean in and whisper the most gruesome threats in Jordans ear and then just back away, as if nothing ever happened. More than once had his father woken him up in the middle of the night in such fashion. He also tended to do so when he was quietly studying and lost in that world. There was no chance he could hear him sneak up then.

The idyllic family that played together, ate their meals together and cared for one another seemed like a tall tale to Jordan. He truly wasn't sure it even existed. He surely had never experienced anything remotely similar to that. In fact, he couldn't recall a time someone had cared for him and sat down to eat with him. Asked him about his day. Apart from his uncle's sporadic visits, that is, and he only came when his father was away or at the very least drunk off his mind and sleeping it off. It wasn't safe otherwise, for either of them. Though it had been a long time since his last visit. Then out of the blue one day, his father announced his uncle was in a coma. How he knew or what had happened was anyone's guess, but Jordan could imagine all too well what has transpired between the two of them. For that very reason, he didn't blame his uncle for staying away. He wouldn't be there either, had he had a choice in the matter.

At any rate, if someone had ever cared for him gently, cooked for him, he'd have been to young to remember it. Perhaps there had been a time when his father had not hated him so, when he might've actually cared for him a little. But if that had once been the case, it was in the past now. Nothing but a dream within a dream.

He turned his attention back to Charlie. This had been such a strange day, but he wasn't complaining. He hadn't been this intrigued in a long time, if ever. In school everyone was the same, and he couldn't take any more fake people coming up to him trying to get him to go out drinking with them, or bully someone who didn't deserve it. They all cared about two things, appearances and sleeping with everything that moved. To make matters worse, no one knew he was gay, so he had cheerleaders trying to get in his pants left and right. They couldn't even imagine someone like Jordan was gay. And Jordan couldn't imagine what "someone like him" even meant. "Gay" doesn't have a face. There are all kinds of people from all walks of life who are gay. The stereotypes only fit a select few, and do nothing but hurt both them and those who do not fit into that narrow-minded idea.