Remember Me

18

I was in heaven. Or at least... it felt like I was.

James and I were finally able to share a room together. He told me I had been so anxious to do so and I couldn't wait to be able to live with him. But sometimes the wait was worth it.

We talked about the future and how we wanted to live out our lives now that we were together in the same living space. I loved the thought of being with him for the rest of our lives.

As each day progressed, my stomach grew. If I had any question about being pregnant, there was my answer. I slowly started feeling the baby move, which made both of us excited. He said we had a hard time conceiving and it was a big deal I was even pregnant then.

James sat down on the bed beside me, handing over a small blue blanket. He didn't say anything but the look he gave me told me he wanted to.

My eyebrows drew together. "A baby blanket?"

He nodded. "For our baby."

I stared down at it, trying to understand the meaning of it though my mind was drawing a blank each time. "But it's blue."

He waited patiently for me to get it. I chalked my stupidity up to my condition and the fact that I needed an IV to survive. I wouldn't have been so stupid if I was healthy... right?

"We're having a boy?"

He smiled. It seemed like he wanted a boy. I wasn't sure what I wanted to have though it didn't feel like it mattered. I would raise the baby with so much love regardless of its gender.

I smiled back at him and wrapped my arms around him. I was surprised he knew the gender so early but I wasn't complaining about it. I wanted to know, too. Though I'd still be surprised when I had the baby.

"We can start designing the baby's room so it's ready for him. I don't want you up moving around so I brought some magazines for you to look through." He turned toward the bedside table and lifted a stack of magazines off the top. He set them down in my lap. All of them were related to babies or decorating or being a mother. If I couldn't find decorating tips, I could find baby tips that I was sure would come in handy.

I leaned back against the pillows. "It might take me a while."

He squeezed my hand. "Don't worry about it, baby. Take all the time you need."

I noticed him sitting on the edge of the bed and knew what was coming next. "Do you have to work today?"

He sighed and stood. "I'm afraid so. As much as I'd like to stay here with you, I have labs to tend to."

I gave him a comforting smile. "I'll be okay, James."

He pulled something from his pocket and set it down on the table. "Press this if you need me."

I nodded and started going through the magazines.

He leaned over and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Sterling."

My face reddened and I tried holding back a smile with no luck. "I love you, too."

"Have a good day. I'll be back as soon as I can."

The first magazine I looked through had articles on feeding a baby. There were pictures of mothers feeding their babies in various ways. I dog eared several pages for later reference and moved onto the next magazine. As I picked it up, a small piece of paper fell out of it.

Curious, I set the magazine down on the stack in front of me and investigated the note. Take out the IV.

My brows met and I flipped the note over. There was no evidence of who wrote the note. Maybe James? But why would he want me to take the IV out?

I put the note aside, not intending to follow its instructions. If James wanted the IV out, he could do it himself. He was the doctor, not me.

The more I read the magazines and articles, the more I wanted to follow the note's instructions. Obviously, it was put there for a reason. I was meant to find it and do what it said.

I bit my lip and glanced at the IV. Would it really hurt me to take it out? Would it hurt the baby? I didn't want to hurt the baby but I was also so curious. I had to know. A few seconds without it in wouldn't hurt me... would it?

I pulled the small IV from the back of my right hand, slowly removing it from the vein it was connected to. I winced as it pinched my skin, holding my breath as if something dramatic would happen. Could James see what I was doing? Did he know I was taking it out? If he left the note, maybe he wanted to see if I would actually do it.

I ignored my anxiety and focused on how the IV was making me feel. I focused on how my body felt, most importantly.

There was no change right away. Nothing sudden and dramatic. Nothing that would cause me concern.

Until the clouds dissipated.

I knew where I was, who I was, and what the hell was going on. And I knew it wasn't okay.