Playboy

Vingt et Une

Sehun

Lighting cracked and thunder answered with a roaring boom as Sehun paced the length of Eunji's living room. He was both anxious for Eunji's return and troubled by his proclamation of love about fourty minutes prior. His feet were begining to feel tired after such a long period of pacing, but he couldn't bear to be still. He was so bothered that it had just slipped out, unplanned. Even though he was the one who said it, it felt insincere. And now, he was left to ask himself, do I love Eunji?

He thought of their time together, nearly seven months now, and all they had done. He remembered their first date when the spark in his heart had been ignited and how, over time, it had grown into a flame. But the flame was still small, contained only in his heart rather than consuming his whole being. Sehun had thought that the time to tell Eunji he loved her would be if the flame consumed him. But then again, what did he know about love? Love was so complex with no manual to read or walkthrough online. Sehun felt like he was stumbling through the dark while Eunji was a mile ahead with a flashlight. She would always be moving faster than him, further and further away.

"Luhan?" Sehun asked as soon as his friend picked up the phone. Luhan had been dating his girlfriend for five years now, he was the best person to ask about love.

"Hey, what's up?" Luhan answered casually.

"How do I know if I love Eunji?" Sehun asked.

"That's...a complicated question." Luhan faltered. "There's a lot of factors that change for each person, I can't tell you exactly how to know if you love her."

"She was leaving her apartment and I just blurted it out," Sehun said, "I don't know why, but I just said it."

"Said what? That you love her?" Luhan asked.

"Yeah." Sehun nodded.

"Did she say it back?" Luhan pressed.

"She did, yeah," Sehun answered.

"How did that make you feel?" Luhan asked softly.

"What?" Sehun didn't quite understand his friend's question.

"How did her saying that she loves you back make you feel?" Luhan asked again.

"Well..." Sehun stopped. How did it make him feel? "I was shocked, but relieved. I was so scared that she wouldn't say it back. The way she said it, her voice was so soft yet so strong. It made me feel...validated. I felt like I had given her a blade to cut out my heart, but all she did was place the knife down and take my hand instead."

"That's a really weird analogy, but I think I can answer your question now," Luhan said.

"About how do I know if I love her?" Sehun's heart raced.

"Yeah," Luhan said, "I think you do love her. All those things you just told me, that sounds like love to me. I don't know how exactly you said it, but if you're worried that she thought it was insincere or you yourself are worried that it was insincere then you should talk to her. Sit her down and give her that blade again and see what she does with it."

"You call my analogy weird, but then you use it." Sehun rolled his eyes.

"Shut up," Luhan laughed, "I'm rooting for you guys, good luck."

"Thanks, man," Sehun said and hung up. It was decided; when Eunji came home, he would tell her he loved her. He wanted to look her in the eyes and pour his heart out to someone for the first time in his life.

***

Eunji

Eunji watched as Suho paced angrily around the waiting room. Sunmi was fine and awake (or so the nurses had told them), but they weren't allowed to see her until she had gone through some necessary tests. Eunji was trying her best to remain calm while Suho was hellbent on seeing his sister right that very instant.