The Star's Wish

Chapter Eight : Against The Program

"Everything seems fine," Seokjin said, setting his clipboard down and sitting on the bed beside Jungkook. "But you're a little underweight. Have you been having trouble eating?"

Jungkook shook his head, playing with his fingers and avoiding Seokjin's eyes. After the fiasco during social time, Minkyung had asked the head nurse to give him a physical to make sure he hadn't hurt himself. Jungkook's star bobbed at the end of its chain like always, drifting in the breeze from the air conditioner. The tugging hurt, but Jungkook forced himself to stay calm in the hopes that it would make Seokjin tie it back down sooner.

"Alright," Seokjin sighed. "Here's the hard news. Minkyung and I have been talking, and we think you need--"

Jungkook gulped, curling in on himself.

"--to try keeping your star unbound for a day."

Jungkook's eyes filled with tears.

Seokjin sighed. "Jungkook-ah, listen to me. This isn't punishment."

"B-but--"

Seokjin took Jungkook's arm in both hands, gently rubbing the swollen area where the chain connected to his skin. "We kept the star bound because it helped you calm down," Seokjin said. "But that was a mistake. We've been reinforcing your programming for two years, Kook. That's got to stop."

"I don't want to!" Jungkook whined. "It-- I-- please, don't let them see--"

"There's nothing shameful about this," Seokjin said. "Jungkook, look at me. We'll let everyone know what's going on so they won't ask you about it. But we can't just keep hiding it. That's exactly what they made you do, isn't it?"

"Please--"

Seokjin cupped Jungkook's face in one hand, then slowly slid the hand into Jungkook's hair, gently massaging his scalp. Jungkook closed his eyes, gulping, and Seokjin let go of his arm to add his other hand.

"You're safe here," Seokjin said. "You're safe. Safe."

Jungkook gasped, squeezing his eyes shut as Seokjin's fingers hit a tense area. Seokjin slowed down, pressing his fingers in, and Jungkook felt his shoulders slump, his mouth twisting.

"Why don't I take you to the cafeteria and get you some ice cream?" Seokjin hummed. "You're having a very stressful morning. We should get you something nice to balance it out."

"Th-they'll see," Jungkook whimpered.

"They're not looking for that," Seokjin said. "They won't bat an eye. How about I invite Jimin and Namjoon, too? We can all be your bodyguards."

Jungkook opened his eyes. Seokjin dropped his hands, leaning in.

"You'll be fine," he said. "I promise."

***

Jungkook wasn't fine at all.

He pressed as close to Jimin as he could, guilt swimming in his stomach as they approached the counter. His friends had come, of course, but that was the problem. Jungkook was the weak one again.

"You're doing great," Jimin said, gently nudging him away. "Look. No one's watching you."

Jungkook glanced around. There were only a handful of patients in the cafeteria, and those who weren't sleeping on the tables were very much occupied with their food and friends. His shoulders slumped. Could he be any more stupid?

There was a reason Taehyung would never want him.

"Whoa whoa whoa," Jimin began, and Namjoon turned around, reaching out to stop Seokjin. "I know that look. What's going on?"

"N-nothing," Jungkook said, rubbing his shoulder to give his hand something to do. He wanted to pull on the chain. He wanted to yank on the star and just take himself away, yank himself out of the picture so the skies would give Taehyung another soulmate and let him be alone forever.

"Your nightmares have been more frequent too," Namjoon mumbled. "I don't think it's nothing."

"Let's talk over ice cream," Seokjin said. "Which flavor, Kook?"

"Don' wanna pick," Jungkook lied, looking around and wishing for an escape. It had been awhile since Seokjin had noticed his programming and tried to confront it head on. Jungkook hadn't forgotten the stress. He already had to have his star out and leave his room-- why did Seokjin insist on having him pick the ice cream's flavor as well? He knew Jungkook probably wouldn't eat it.

"Kook," Seokjin said warningly.

Jungkook nodded, still not meeting his friends' eyes. "Chocolate," he mumbled.

"What?"

"Chocolate!"

"Good job." Seokjin squeezed his shoulder. "Jimin? Namjoon?"

"Strawberry."

"I'll take vanilla. Can I help?" Namjoon jogged after Seokjin, who only chuckled and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, giving him a quick squeeze.

"Did you know they were soulmates?" Jimin asked.

Jungkook's head whipped around. "Huh?"

"They told me yesterday," Jimin said sulkily. "That's why Namjoon doesn't have another home. Seokjin lives here full time."

"Oh," Jungkook looked up, brows furrowing. "Why?"

Jimin shrugged. Jungkook slumped onto the table, taking a deep breath, and watched his star drift in the air. Was it just him, or was everyone around him pairing up? He didn't want to see everyone disappear. He didn't want to be the only one who was alone.

But what could he do? There was no way Taehyung would want him.

Seokjin came back with Namjoon and gave Jungkook his ice cream. Jungkook stared at the dark brown scoop, wondering why he had picked the flavor. He didn't even know which flavor he liked. He licked it hesitantly and held back a sigh. It wasn't good. He took another lick, then bit his lip, glancing at the others. Each seemed to be enjoying their ice cream ten times as much. It made him feel worse. He kicked a foot absentmindedly. Why couldn't he be normal? Why couldn't he be the type of person everyone loved and wanted to be around?

Why was it so hard to be himself?