The Star's Wish

Chapter Twelve : Bothering People

He wished he could say he slept well that night. But instead of letting him rest, his mind tormented him, waking him up over and over until he finally gave up and just sat there, wrapped in his blankets, staring at his star as it bobbed over his arm.

This was always when it got worse. When he got close to someone, when he opened himself to someone, the star always floated there, reminding him of what he had already lost. Some days he wished the fire that freed him from his captors had swallowed him whole instead. That the walls that protected him from the fire long enough for help to arrive could have been just a little thinner, just a little weaker. Lying there, with Namjoon to his left and Jimin's empty bed to his right, he was so lonely.

His mind raced back to the moment when he held Taehyung's star, and he remembered the feeling of it under his hands his heartbeat grew louder in his ears. He felt heavy, like he would never be able to move again, and his breathing stuttered-- not hyperventilation, but a strange, dangerous pause between each inhale and exhale, as if he'd forgotten how to let the air pass through his body. He wanted to push the suffocating blankets off of him, to tear off his clothes so the cold night air could reach his sweaty skin, but he couldn't bring himself to move. Something was crawling under his skin, writhing inside him, begging to be let out.

Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop.

The desire to move clashed with his inability to until he let out a deep, gasping sob, releasing the air clogging his throat and lungs, and reached out, taking his star in one hand.

He froze.

The star pulsed in his hand, gentle vibrations tickling his fingers and traveling up his arm. As the gentle blue color brightened, Jungkook remembered Taehyung's face, his proud smile when Jungkook touched his star. He remembered, too, the feeling of nothing, the feeling of everything disappearing when he yanked on his star.

He wanted Taehyung.

But he was afraid. What if Taehyung was sleeping? What if he woke him up, and his soulmate was angry at him? Besides, how would he contact Taehyung? Taehyung lived in the palace, with his parents. Jungkook didn't want to get up, to walk to the nurses' station and ask Minkyung to call him. Minkyung needed to sleep.

Jungkook needed to sleep.

Slowly, he slid out of bed, pausing as Namjoon stirred in his sleep. He shivered, goosebumps racing up his arms as his feet touched the tile floor. The pajamas still felt suffocating, but he knew better than to take them off. That would make everything look so much worse than it really was.

He paused at the door, holding his breath as he turned the handle. Wasn't he overreacting? He should just lie down, pretend to be asleep until Minkyung came to wake him up. But he needed something, someone to tell him he wasn't crazy, that it would go away eventually, and he wasn't sure Namjoon or Minkyung could do that.

What if he walked to the palace? He imagined trying to explain to the guards why he was turning up in the dead of night to see a prince who probably needed all the sleep he could get. No, he was being foolish. He couldn't wake Taehyung. Going to Seokjin was just unfair. Yoongi and Jimin weren't there for him either.

Why was it that when he finally decided to ask for help, he realized how much of a bother he was to everyone?

He stood out in the hallway, the open door behind him, the darkness in front of him. A small sob built in his throat, but he swallowed it. He needed something. Someone. His hands traced along the doorframe and began to shake, but he ignored them. He couldn't go back to bed. He felt more sure than ever that that was the wrong choice, but what was the right?

What was he supposed to do?

The hems of his pants swished along the ground as he moved out into the hallway, dazed, walking toward Seokjin's room. He would go there, he would climb into Seokjin's bed and curl up with him, he wouldn't have to wake anyone up in order to find the comfort he needed. He moved faster, pausing only a moment at Seokjin's door before opening it.

The light was still on. Jungkook squinted, confused, and felt his heart plummet at the sight of Seokjin, not in his bed, but hunched over his desk, one hand tangled in his hair as he filled out what must be the last of a huge stack of paperwork.

Jungkook was bothering him.

He stood frozen in the doorway, unsure of what to do, and Seokjin set the paper aside, running both hands through his hair and standing up. He turned, and Jungkook stepped back, moving to pull the door shut before he could be seen, but it was too late.

"Kookie? What's wrong?"

Jungkook swallowed, shaking his head. The weight in his body dragged him down, but he forced himself to stay standing, though he kept his head bowed, hunching his shoulders. How was he supposed to explain? He hadn't meant to catch Seokjin awake, and now the head doctor stood in front of him, rubbing his shoulders and murmuring soothing words. He was being a bother. He was keeping Seokjin awake.

He was a terrible excuse for a human being.

Seokjin's eyes trailed down to Jungkook's arm and the pulsing star attached to it, and he sighed, bringing Jungkook into his arms. "Let's lie down, shall we?"

Jungkook nodded, letting Seokjin lead him back to the bed and pull him down. Seokjin reached out, grabbing his phone, but Jungkook was too busy burying his face in the covers to mind what he was doing with it. Only the fear kept him awake now, pushing at his eyelids to keep them from closing all the way.

Seokjin set the phone down again and pulled a blanket over them, rubbing Jungkook's back. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Didn't want to bother you," Jungkook muttered, turning his face into the covers. They warmed quickly, and he sighed, relaxing as the security of being held by someone else began to overcome his fear.

"Then why did you come to my room?"

"Thought you'd be... asleep..." Jungkook yawned, tucking his head into Seokjin's chest and closing his eyes. One deep breath later, he felt the stillness that meant sleep was coming steal across him, and he ignored Seokjin's next question, letting his body carry him back into the darkness it had tried so hard to keep him out of.