19 - Collapse

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The grandfather clock that was mounted on the wall, chimed for the eleventh time. Almost four hours had passed. The shock that coursed through my veins were filled with regret. The way her eyes had stared up at the ceiling earlier while gasping for air as though the Angel of Death had come to greet her reminded me of my late parents' demise, particular my late mother's. I was no longer a doctor but a helpless boy once more, unable to do anything as I am chained down by my past fears. Kamsaton was the one that did everything as I had stayed rooted to where I stood.

I wished I had done more. Something. Anything.

Lost with what to do at the present moment, I bent down beside Kamsaton who was scrubbing away at the traces of blood and vomit that stained the wooden floorboards with a rag dipped in a mixture of warm water, vinegar and baking soda.

"It's getting late. You don't have to stay. Or do any of this. Let me."

Kamsaton ignored me and continued scrubbing the area clean, "The sight of it doesn't faze me. I'm used to this. I'm a midwife, remember? Looks like dust and dirt to me."

"Still, you're not obliged to do it. You're a guest, not a maid, " I tried to take the dirty rag from her.

"You have more pressing matters to attend to," she removed the rag away from me just in time and raised her head as she looked at Saleha, encouraging my eyes to do the same. Saleha was sitting on the bed, with her legs close to her chest as she rocked her body back and forth beside Melati's body with a flood of tears streaming down her face. "Just pretend I'm not here."

"Her fingers are so cold. Why are they so cold?" Saleha mumbled to herself as she looked down at Melati's hands helplessly and tried to warm them up in hers. "Baba..." Saleha croaked out, her voice breaking in between syllables. "Why isn't Mama waking up?" Saleha rubbed at her eyes angrily and rocked her body harder. Her small body erupted in small tremors as she tried to control her sobs. "She's going to wake up soon, won't she?" She looked up at me with eyes full of hope, "Won't she, Baba?" I walked towards my daughter slowly, unsure how to respond so I simply placed my hands on her shoulders. "The drink Cik Kamsaton made didn't work, did it?"

I stared at the glass of water on the bedside table. A mixture of herbs which I was unfamiliar with, rested at the bottom of the glass. Perhaps, more commonly recognised by those who spend most of their time in the kitchen. There were a few globs of red in the drink; it could have been from the traces of the blood around Melati's mouth when she tried to drink it.

"Sometimes...things don't turn out the way we want it to..."

Saleha placed a shaky hand on Melati's chest while more tears flowed down her delicate face, "Her heart...it's not-" She choked back her tears, "It's not beating."

Taking a deep breath, I rested my hand over Saleha's hand to coax it away, "Saleha-"

"No! No!" She sobbed as she fought to keep her hand on Melati's chest. "You said-" her voice breaking as she continued," You said she was asleep."

"She is..."

"Why are you lying to me? Mama's dead, isn't she?"

"Saleha-"

"Tell me the truth, Baba..."

I gently lifted Saleha's hand and moved it further to the left where the thoracic cavity was.

"Do you feel it now?"

It was a few seconds before Saleha looked up at me with her face soaked with fresh tears. "Mama's not dead?"

I shook my head gently, "That's what I've been trying to tell you. Let's not disturb Mama. She needs rest."


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