Christmas Time

Insomnia

London

9th December 1974

Roger was having a hard time sleeping. His eyes were wide open, and he just couldn't fall asleep in that moment; he was awake, and his body was other than tired. Actually his brain was keeping him awake: rivers of thoughts and memories were flowing in his mind.
Most of them, were memories of his father. He was abused by him. "How could a human do all of this?" He always asked himself, but he had never found an answer to this question. On the other side, he was happy to have his father, because he wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for his cruelty and ruthlessness. Those were the thoughts that kept Roger awake.

He desperately tried to close his eyes and to drive his father away from his mind, but he couldn't, and because of that he decided to sit up. His gaze darted from one side of the room to another, but everything was dark. His sight then stuck on the moon outside the window; it was the only bright thing in that world of darkness, or at least, in a world of darkness without Brian, because Brian could make things shining to Roger's eyes. Also, Brian was fond of astronomy, and every time he could, he would tell Roger amazing stories about space and planets, especially the moon. This is why Roger looked at the satellite everytime he felt lonely or sad; the moon reminded him of Brian, of him and his "pedantic" speeches. Roger repeted those words, and laughed to himself. "A brilliant Mr Poodle" he thought.

At once he decided to get up from his bed. He slipped out of it and when his feet hit the ground, the feeling of the cold floor gave him chills. He crossed his arms on his upper chest to warm himself a bit, and he began to walk with soft steps to do not make any noise. He didn't want to wake up the others, especially Brian, who didn't use to sleep well at night, but who, eventhough, was now snoring. Roger made a few steps, then, he stood at the door to give a look at Brian's relaxed silhouette. He breathed softly and smiled at his friend who was sleeping in heavenly peace.

He then turned his head to stare at the hallway. Everything was wrapped in darkness; just the light reflected by the moon was barely lighting the house. Roger began to walk quietly through the hallway; he first stopped walking to look in Freddie and John's room. There were some boxes over the floor. The curtains were covering the window to make sure the moon rays wouldn't disturb their sleep.

After a while Roger got back to walk silently in the hallway. He went down the stairs and reached the kitchen. He looked all over the kitchen to recognise the furniture in it, but it was really hard because of the darkness. Since he had nothing to do, Roger decided to search for a candle to make light with, a piece of paper and a pencil to complete a song he hadn't finished yet. Actually he had begun to write it when he was 15 and for that song he had an heated argument with Brian.

-That day, on one hand, was really horrible, but on the other it was quite interesting-

He began to think

-We were discussing on the songs we had written in those days and I told him about the few lyrics I wrote for my new song "I'm in love with my car". He instead talked to me about "Sweet lady". We were discussing on which song was the the better song "With my hands on your grease gun? Isn't it a bit subtle? What are you exactly doing with that car?" This was what Brian asked me, and I immediately got mad at him "Do you think that yours is better? You call me sweet like I'm some kind of cheese? Wow! What does it even mean!?" Ok, actually I was mad at him because he didn't write it for me but for her... "I've wrote it for my girlfriend Roger!" So, yes, I was mad at him because he wrote a song for her and not for me, but, what I was asking him? To become gay just for me? He could write a song for his bestfriend, but he preferred write one for her! I didn't care if my song wasn't strong enough to him, but the fact that he wrote his for her was really hurting me... "You've already broken up with her! So why the hell have you dedicated a song to her!?"-

Little did Roger know about Brian breaking up with her because he had fallen in love with his bestfriend, and he didn't want to break the girl's feelings...

-I was furious in that moment... I was so upset "The real question is why the hell will you write a song for a car Roger!" Brian was screaming at me now, and this just increased my anger towards him. Brian lost his temper in that moment, and It rarely happens... "You just don't want to admit that my song is better than yours! You always despise my ideas!" I yelled at him so loud... I'm a bit sorry for treating him like that, but I was out of control... Then I looked at him and I was about to cry, so I just stormed out the living room and I went into the kitchen and what did I do then? I just locked myself in that fucking cupboard and I began to cry so hard... I don't know what Brian was doing, I just remember that I heard someone slumming the door. I think it was him... I stayed in that cupboard for at least an hour, then I texted Brian "I'm sorry" and then he texted me back "I'm sorry too" at that point I just fell asleep. Actually, when Brian came back I was pretending to be asleep, so I heard every single word he told me "What a weird angel you are... You first make confusion, scream and argue with everyone, then you feel sorry, you apologise and you suddenly fall asleep and you look like a fucking angel" You caressed my hair with your finger, and I was in heaven... I just loved that moment, because I felt so loved and appreciated by you... Then you embraced me and took me to my room, and there, I fell asleep for real-

This is what Roger had in his mind before he fell asleep on the kitchen table.

Early in the morning, Brian woke up. He opened his eyes and stretched a bit before turning himself to look at his sleepy friend, only to find himself alone in the room... He frowned and, after he sat up on the bed and took a look at the whole room to find Roger, he got up. He felt sleepy and his back was hurting as fuck. He searched for Roger everywhere in the house, but couldn't find him. He also tried to call him, but he received no answers back. For a moment he thought Roger went out for a walk or something like that, but then he walked in the kitchen. Roger was snoring softly... He was sitting on a chair with his head on the table; a thread of saliva came down the end of his mouth. Some sunrays came from the window, and made Roger's hair shine more than usual "He really is an angel" Brian thought; a big smile grew up on his face. He found Roger so cute when he was asleep, especially if it was morning and sunrays made Roger's hair brighter. He entered as quietly as possible in the kitchen to not wake up the sleeping beauty. He walked up to where roger was sleeping and leaned in to kiss his forehead. Brian had to admit that he sometimes has kissed Roger's lips when the other was asleep; he couldn't resist those pink and soft lips, he could just kiss them like he was meant to do it... He stood there and looked as Roger was asleep. "I won't wake him up..." He told himself before leaning to kiss Roger's forehead again, but unfortunately for him, Roger woke up "Brian, what are you doing?" He asked with a sleepy voice. Brian became suddenly red "Nothing..." He hoped Roger hadn't understood that he was trying to kissing him "Ok... Good morning then" "Good morning" Brian told him, finishing the sentence with "My angel" inside his mind.