Strained

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Friday had been tough. After I left Ivelyn's I went home to an empty house. My mom hadn't been home, so when Mir and Jack drove here they hadn't gotten me in trouble. I wish I would have known that before I confessed to my mom the second she got home. Although, it did win me some points that I was the one to tell her instead of Mir. Of course, I was grounded -- again. It sucked, but honestly, I thought it was fair. Plus, after I canceled a second time on Jamie, I'm sure I won't have plans for a while anyway.

Today was Sunday and I was still in a slump. All Weekend I had stayed holed up in my room. I had only left my bed to go to the bathroom and occasionally pet Phantom. I was sick to my stomach. Part of it was about Jamie and the other half was real sickness. It was my nerves about everything: the Curse, Naomi, Maverick, The H.C.C., and Jamie. Of course, Jamie hadn't really given me any reason to be nervous, but it was the not knowing that twists the knots in my stomach.

I was curled up in my favorite blanket when my mom knocked on my bedroom door. She didn't wait for me to say something, just pushed open the door.

"Hey, Sweetie," she pursed her lips at me. "I was hoping we could chat," she sat at the edge of my bed.

"Okay?" I couldn't help but sound quizzical.

"I know you're upset about being grounded," she started. It made me cringe just thinking about it. I had never been grounded so much in my life. Junior year just wasn't the year for me, or so it seemed.

"I'm not upset about being grounded," I grumbled. "I'm upset that--

I couldn't finish. My throat closed up as the frustration struck down. I knew it would be seconds before the tears came. I clenched my teeth, biting the sides of my mouth to stop crying. I just wanted to explain to my mom.

"Cornelia, what's wrong?" She asked noticing my tears. Her question only made the sobbing continue. She reached forward, grabbing me in a hug. I let her, hugging her back tightly. Maybe I needed a good cry.

She didn't say anything, just let me cry. I wiped my face and leaned back.

"I'm so confused. I don't know what to do!" I felt like I was going in back and forth between two different lives. In one life I was Cornelia and Jamie was my boyfriend. In my other life, I was Corn who was a Witch. It was difficult trying to mend the two lives together, but did I even want that? I didn't know.

"Talk to me, maybe I can help?" I looked up at her warily. "I can at least, try to help. I'm your mom and I hate seeing you so miserable. You've been hiding out in your room all weekend and I'm worried. I'm really worried about you, Cornelia," every time she said my full name I grimaced. She was just proving my point further.

"I don't want Jamie to know I'm a Witch, but it's hard not to. I feel like I'm always canceling on him or hiding things from him. He's so sweet and patient and he's being so understanding, but he's got to be getting fed up." I fell back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Then, I took a deep breath in, held it, then exhaled slowly. It was something Dr. Bewley had told me about.

I was supposed to work on my breathing to help with my anxiety and when I got overwhelmed.

It did work -- momentarily.

Then, I was back to feeling everything all at once.

"Can I suggest something?" I was afraid of what she was going to say, but I nodded anyway.

"I guess so," I tried to joke.

"Tell Jamie," I opened my mouth to interject, but she held up a hand. "Let me explain," I relaxed, letting her finish. "Tell Jamie the truth: whatever that is. Sometimes, the truth you tell is vague, but it's your truth. You don't have to blurt out: I'm a Witch and hope he understands. You can tell him how you feel or tell him you appreciate his understanding of you. It doesn't have to be the whole truth. Most of the time, people just want to be heard and--