Strained

Intro

My mind raced as I reached for the bathroom door. Sweat beads at my forehead, so I quickly wipe it with the back of my hand. My brain is unable to cope or process the raining thoughts that swarm me. I contemplate locking the door behind me, but I'm using the public one on the first floor of Salem High School. Reluctantly, I leave it for the privacy of the large stall. As the metal slides into place, things start to move in slow motion. 

I sit on the toilet and grab the small, but devastating box. It's rectangle with pink and black writing on the outside. I never noticed how obnoxious pregnancy tests were. Then again, I haven't ever paid much attention to them, nor saw the need. My throat closes as I read the instructions. It seems easy enough -- pee and wait fifteen minutes. I can't wait the full fifteen minutes without being late for class, but being late is what got me in this mess. 

I grab the first stick, pee, then close the plastic cap over the tip. I repeat this two more times. By the final time, you might think I'm a pro. Except, that my hands shake as I close the last cap. I slide them back into the box and wait. My fingers drum over the edge of the box. I read everything I can, trying to memorize all these foreign words. The whole time I keep thinking about how this can't be happening. 

This can't be my life.

I'm a good girl.

Well, no one is perfect, but this still isn't supposed to happen to me.

Except, it was. I took a deep breath and checked my phone. I still had ten more minutes. The warning bell rang, making my heart skip a beat. I ignored the noise, trying to breathe instead. My friends were going to wonder where I was. I always met them at the lockers, so we could walk together. It was Junior year and I had been wanting it to feel different. I think we all wanted to do something new this year. It was the last year we could all goof off. 

Next year, when we all were Seniors we were going to be so focussed on College. What was I going to be focussed on? What would I be doing next year if these sticks show me a plus sign? What was the next step? Sure, I knew I had options and maybe there was even a magical way out of this mess, but I was going to have to choose. A decision was going to have to be made and that was the scariest part.

I check my phone again, seeing as only a minute had passed. Great, time had now slowed to molasses. I was obviously being punished. Sighing, I decided to check Facebook. I scrolled through the posts, seeing a few photos of my friends. Everyone had a very impactful summer -- that was one way of summarizing the past couple of months. Now, it was back to school. I hadn't planned for my first day of Junior year to be taking a pregnancy test in the girl's bathroom.

I hadn't wanted to bring the box to my house, afraid someone would see it. Even though, no one had been home. I was paranoid. I hadn't told anyone and why would I? I didn't know anything except my period was late. I only realized yesterday when I had missed a whole period. I should have taken the tests two weeks ago, but I had only recently gotten home. That and I kept pushing it off, not wanting to believe any of it. I kept thinking I would get my period and things would go back to being normal.

Obviously, that wasn't going to happen. 

I check my phone again and see it's time to check the tests. I gulp, grab the boxes and take the first test out. My heart both sinks and flutters as I see the first plus sign. I grab the second test: another plus sign. The third says the same -- they're all positive. Tears brimmed my eyes as I shoved the tests in the metal box next to the toilet. My breathing ragged on as I tried to think about what this meant. 

I was pregnant?

I was pregnant.

I stood up and rushed to the sink. I started washing my hands but had to rush back to the toilet to throw up. I barely made it to the toilet and then I heaved three times. My breakfast stared back at me, making me gag once more. I heard the bathroom door open and I hurried to wipe my mouth and flush the toilet. Hopefully, no one would notice I had just puked. I washed my hands again and hurried out of the bathroom. I felt even more paranoid as if everyone knew. 

What was I going to do?