Strained

Chapter Thirty-Four

The rest of the training had gone about like that. Daniel tried to talk to me, but I didn't want to hear it. He just wanted to tell me we needed a distraction for the plan to work. I knew better. I just needed to rest and recharge. I left after that, heading back to my house. Zack was still there when I got home, but Dara was still at her friend's house. The three of us watched Christmas movies until Dara came home. Then, we ate pie and cookies until I was so full I had to roll upstairs.

The next day it snowed. I thought that meant our training was canceled. Of course, Sage wasn't going to allow that. She and Daniel both agreed to continue with the plan -- meeting at The Gallows to try the plan on different terrain. I wasn't a fan. All morning, I had been avoiding my phone. I knew there would be messages asking when I was heading to The Gallows and the truth was, I had no intention of going. I know it seemed like I was being a spoiled brat, just pouting because I couldn't get my way, but that wasn't the truth. 

I knew we could do the spell without sacrificing someone. No one else needed to die. 

I couldn't bear the thought of someone I cared about dying. It was too much. We were trying to break the Curse to stop further death and corruption. It didn't seem right to sacrifice another life to stop other lives from dying. It was hypocritical. There were others who didn't agree with Daniel, Ivelyn, and Sage's plan. The problem was, the others were willing to give it a try. They could try without me.

"You know, eventually you're going to have to confront your worries," Phantom warned as he laid sprawled out on my bed. He was right, but what was new? Phantom knew more than he would ever truly let on. When he did offer advice or insight, it was always dead on. 

I sighed.

"And what worries are those?" I turned to face him, wondering what he was referring to this time.

"You know," he pressed on. 

"Yeah, I know," I plopped back onto my bed. "Why is it that our plans are always so complicated? Everything has to be so precise and perfect, when in actuality--

"You do better when you're spontaneous and using your senses to react," he finished for me. He was exactly right. Every time we spent so much time trying to pinpoint exactly how we could win, then when it came down to it we ended up using our intuition rather than the plan. It wasn't to say that our time spent planning was wasted. I wanted them to realize it didn't have to be perfect. 

That was going to be hard since everyone knew we only had the one chance. 

If you have one chance to do something, do you spend every second trying to make it perfect and risk losing someone or do you wing it and risk everyone? It was an impossible question. 

"I'm tired of people dying," the words were the truest thing I had ever said. 

"Living in the past is very exhausting," Phantom curled up next to me. He put his paw on my arm. It was comforting. The past was tiring, but I didn't think I was doing that. I wanted to embrace the future, a future where Cursed Ones didn't exist. I couldn't believe there wasn't a way to accomplish that without losing anyone.

"It's more than that. I feel that if we do use someone as a distraction they're going to get hurt -- maybe even die. I couldn't count that as a win -- even if we managed to break the Curse. It wouldn't feel right," I struggled with this immensely. I couldn't change my conscious mind. My morals wouldn't let me. I stared into Phantom's orange eyes, waiting for his wisdom. 

"What's more important to you? Once you figure that out, you'll know what to do." He always made me think. 

"But what if they don't listen?" It was important to me that they trusted me and that included my powers. They thought I was failing them.