A'Stari Amerie
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5:00 pm
"I taste pain and regret in your sweat, you been waiting for me" blasted from the speakers around my house as I swept up the kitchen singing to the song, I was waiting for tori to get back, she went for a store run to get me some more ice cream I been craving.. she has been real supportive since she found out I was diagnosed with cancer. I started my treatment Monday and today is Friday. It went well I don't know if I'm going to lose hair or not.
"Girl you look good won't you bag that ass up, if you a fine mf won't you bag that ass up, call me big daddy won't you bag that ass up, girl who is you playing with bag that ass up, you working with some ass yea you bad yea" drake rapped while I rolled my blunt up, mfs probably thinking if you have lung cancer you don't suppose to smoke but do I give a fuck? Nope all the good people die young anyway, who the one to say that I won't die right now? Exactly nobody knows and if I do I just do. I accepted the fact that I could do right now and now I'm living like I want to fr, no worries or nothing. It's been a week or two since I heard or seen heaven and it's honestly bugging me, I miss her company but I know she need her time and I'm not the one to rush her process.
"Baby" I heard from the living room as I was getting ready to light my blunt, I didn't answer knowing tori would just walk into the kitchen anyway, she has a habit of calling my name then appearing behind me that's why I never answer her.
I heard her come into the kitchen, and I felt her eyes scanning my body, I rolled my eyes figuring she wanted to fuck to be honest I was in the mood to get my shit beat up and ate up.. it's been a while since she put it down on me and I need that, it's like my body craves her more and more when she not around and I hate that.. it's like I'm battling against my body and my head. After a while I felt hands wrap around my waist and a warm body pressed against my back, I chuckled and finished smoking my blunt before I finally spoke.
"So did u get my damn ice cream" I asked her not hearing no bags when she came in or no fridge open and close.
All I got was silence, I started to get irritated at the fact that she hear me talking to her but she not saying shit, I huffed and tried to turn around but she only held my tighter.
"Baby what's wrong" I asked her frowning at the fact she wasn't answering me or trying to talk to me.
"I love you" I heard but it wasn't tori voice it was fucking heaven this whole time.
"So nigga you couldn't say shit this whole time I been talking to u" I spat at her pushing her arms off my waist coming face to face with her.
"I didn't know what to say" she said biting her lip nervously and waiting for me to respond to her bullshit I love her but I hate how no matter what she gone run from her problems.
"You done running yet" I asked agin tilting my head to the side mugging her but not before pushing her back away from me.
"I wasn't running stari I needed fucking time it's not easy accepting that the person you love could possibly die at any given fucking time" she tried to explain but that shit only made me wanna slap tf outta her.
"AND HOW THE FUCK YOU THINK I FELT HEAVEN, IM THE ONE THAT COULD FUCKING DIE, ME NOT YOU AND YOU GONE LEAVE WHEN I NEEDED YOU" I yelled at her as tears streamed down my face, it wasn't that I was upset that she left but I was hurt because I needed her and she wasn't here for me.
"I'm sorry man" she tried to hug me but I just push her back and moved away.
"You not fucking sorry this not the first time u left me bra" I bitterly said to her as I mugged her.
