Matoria Denise
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12:09 am
My whole life been a movie and I still try to do the right thing and keep a smile on my face but it's only making me realize that I can't get myself together in this environment, I love that girl to death but I can't give her what she wants, she want my love, time and loyalty but I can't even love myself so I know I can't love her right now I'm in love with both of them but I can't love them the way I want too right now I'm not together mentally and until I am i won't be able to function.
"Your different when I met you I never knew I could love somebody like this, I had exes and hoes but nobody made me feel like my heart was pounding out my chest or made me feel so damn safe but you, the feeling you give me so damn foreign but I need that, I want that from you but I can't be what you need me to be right now I'm to fucked up ain't no excuses for the cheating or the constant leaving i don't even know I just leave when I feel like I'm going to continue to mess up, y'all deserve better but I love u so much" I reread the letter I wrote to stari and I wrote a separate letter to heaven basically saying the same thing I hope they can be happy and live they life, we will always find each other again if it's meant to be.
I sighed putting the letter down and finished packin' my clothes and my suitcases I guess u can say I run from my problems, I hate that we have to face this fucked up reality when I really want is to be here but mentally stable, I already called e he going to be handling the shop for a couple months until I'm ready to come back and I plan on taking damia with me just to have somebody around, I want kato to come but he handling some business and said he would catch a flight later or tomorrow, I finished packing and started to clean up my apartment sorting everything out , putting shit back in place, cleaned old food out the refrigerator and grabbed my keys and bags.
I got in my car crunk it up and just sat there thinking is this what I really needed to do because this might actually be my last chance I ran from her before she took me back but I know eventually she gone get fed up and this might actually be her breaking point, I shook my thoughts off and pulled off headed to pick up damia she texted me a couple minutes ago telling me she was packed and waiting we don't even know where we going but whatever my car takes us that's where we staying but I need to put some gas in my shit cause it look like we gone be our ass right here.
I finally got to her house and blew the horn a couple times before she walked out carrying a couple a bags making me pop the trunk so she can get the rest of the bags, I scrolled through my phone to 360 life checking to see where stari and heaven was the app said stari was at her shop and heaven was on the west side moving towards kato house I really hope he doesn't tell her about this ian tryna stay right now, after making sure they weren't home so I can drop the letters off I deleted the app and closed my phone just as damia was getting in.
"We got a stop" she said out of breath but opening a bag of chips eating them trying to catch her breath.
"Where" I asked putting my phone on the charger before putting the car in reverse backing out of her driveway.
"The bank on 49th and West and to pick up taz" she said tapping on her phone before looking at me.
"Taz going" I asked her confused because my bestie ain't tell me she was coming with me she told me she would see.
"Yea she told me to tell u to pick her up" Mia said before opening another bag of chips and a box of fruit snacks.
I nodded and pulled off towards the back by taz house, after a while I pulled up at the bank and went through the drive thru for some reason damia trusted me with her bank information but ion complain cause i got my own damn money, she handed me her card and watched me put in her pin before telling me how much to take out, I got the money and handing her the card and her money, she counted it out and told me to go head so I pulled off speeding toward taz house it was going on 2 and I needed to be outta here by 4 hopefully. I pulled up at taz house and she was opening the door picking her up dog putting him in the cage before bringing him towards my car where I popped the truck.
"Bítch stop playing with puffles" she said rolling her neck before opening the back door laying news paper down on the floor and putting his cage on the floor.
"That mut better not fuck up my car taz" I told her waving my finger at her as she just rolled her eyes and cooed at the damn puppy.
"Teetee being mean to u baby" she cooed talking to the dog like it was a human.
"Where yanna" I asked as she closed the door heading back to get the rest of her things.
"With her mom I told her bye a hour ago" she said grabbing her bags and locking up her house putting the shit in the truck and hopping in.
"Was my Pooh sad" I asked pulling out her drive way taking a sharp turn making the puppy whine.
"Yea she told me to hurry back but I told her once I get settled I'll send for her" she said picking up puffles and laying her on her lap.
I kept going looking at the time seeing it was 3:30 I was almost to my old house I shared with my loves I played rod wave and sped my way to stari house to drop off these letters, I got there and parked behind my other car that I'm surprised not damaged, I got out he car and made my way up the the porch to put the letters in the mail box, I made sure they was secured before leaving off the porch soon as I turned around stari was standing there with her jaw clench and her arms folded.
"Why are u here" she asked with a attitude tapping her foot on the step.
"I was dropping some off" I said looking anywhere else but at her.
"What" she asked stepping closer to me making me step back.
"A letter" I told her walking around her off the porch back to the car.
"Where u going" she asked me sadly her whole attitude changed I missed this damn girl but I can't.
"Away babe" I said and kept walking to I was at the car.
"So u leaving" she asked as her lips trembled and the tears start pouring from her eyes I hate looking at her like this.
"Yes I can't function here baby" I told her as she just shook her head and chuckled.
"All those fucking excuses do you know how many fucking times I chased after your bitch ass and still fucking tried to love you? And u wanna tell me that u can't function? Mf I can't fucking function but do you care? No cause u leaving again you know what bye matoria take care of your fucking self" she said sobbing making me wanna go hug and kiss her but I couldn't and I wouldn't.
"I love you" I told her before opening the car door she just look at me with hatred that shit burned a hole in my heart.
"No you don't leave and don't come back ever bra" she said before going in the house slamming the door making me get in the car.
"You good" Mia asked sitting her phone down.
"Yea she told me don't come back" I said sighing before cranking up the car.
"You sure u still wanna go" taz asked rubbing puffles and she went to sleep on her lap.
"Yea I have too" I said pulling out the drive way.
"Ok well we behind you no matter what decision u make" she said closing her eyes making me feel somewhat ok.
Taz?
Stari?
Tori?
Mia?
This might be the last chapter before the sequel, sorry I been gone life been whooping my ass.
