Sometimes...

~ Chapter 4 ~

I never did reply to Matthew - I was too worried about what I had done. He packed up and walked next door to his house before I could even come to my senses. It was late and I had gone to bed, hoping tomorrow at school Matthew would make some more friends and forget about me.

He was a nice guy for sure, but Bethany is too close to me. I can't forget about her... even if that means making no more friends. I wouldn't want to replace her! That would be cruel-hearted...

I lay in bed, thinking...

If only people knew why I pushed them away. If only they could understand the pain I went through. I understand that I can have multiple friends, best friends even. It's just... Having someone there beside you since you can remember. Having someone there to tell all your deepest secrets to. Everyone has one of these. This is a best friend. Just think about it... One might say I'm crazy, and it's a possibility I am. She was the only one who knew the truth. There was no way I could let anyone so close to me again...

*****

I heard my alarm go off. Ugh, school already? It felt like just minutes ago I had actually fallen asleep. I got up wearily, got dressed, packed my bag, took care of my wild mane, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth... you know, all the essentials. Xavier was already waiting at the door for me to walk him to school.

The high school and elementary schools were right next to each other, and we only live two blocks away. Lucky since my parents leave early for work.

"C'mon, I want to get there early! My teacher is giving us donuts for the class doing good on a test! I want to get first choice!" Xavier grabbed my hand and pulled me along.

From outside, I turned around and locked the door. "Okay okay! Let's go!"

It was a quick walk over with only a couple stops to tie some shoe laces. I dropped my brother off at the school sidewalk and continued over next door.

What some people might call Hell, what others call Heaven, something that mostly everyone had to go through - it was known as high school. I was stuck in the middle, being a 10th grader. In our school, we had different hallways for each grade. So, you wouldn't expect a senior to be walking around without a girl under his arm.

I opened my locker and stuffed my coat and bag inside. I rummaged through my version of Narnia and finally found a pencil. I grabbed my notebook for Calculus and was ready to go. As I closed my locker, that familiar senior face appeared.

"So, this is your locker. 370... I'm going to have to remember that!" Matthew winked.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I got to get going to class," I sighed. I was glad my excuse was right on time.

"Oh, of course. Me too."

Well, it seemed he didn't make any new friends like I had hoped. Or, perhaps he did, and just left them to look for me? Yikes...

*****

First period couldn't have gone any faster. Although, I was sort of happy we didn't have any classes together. I was in classes that were set for a grade ahead, and thankfully he wasn't put in classes that were a year behind. I didn't even have him in any of my electives. I tried to avoid everyone in the hallway, hoping these hormonic teenagers weren't as friendly as they appeared.

I was relieved when I hadn't saw Matthew until lunch, but then I felt awful.

"Hey Kori!" a bright dorkish smile appeared on his face.

"Haha, hey Matthew," I said. He sat and started eating his sandwhich. "How you liking your... second?" He nodded. "Yeah, second day here?"

"Pretty awesome. I've met a ton of cool people in each class. Speaking of cool people, are we still up for that 4 o' clock rematch?"

"Yup, got the place all fixed up for a night of Call of Duty!" Kori, what are you thinking? Snap out of it. This is going to happen more regularily... that means someone getting close to you again.

"Sweet!" Matthew held out his fist for me to bump. We blew up on the same time, wiggling our fingers like ashes in the wind.

We finished eating together until our next class. We split off in our own ways and handled the rest of the day. It wasn't anything special, it was just like any other day. Notes, getting assigned homework... the usual.

"Are you leaving right now?" Matthew asked me at my locker.

"Yeah, I have to make sure my brother gets to his practice," I answered.

"Here, I'll walk with you. I got to walk home and I'm not 100% sure of where exactly I'm going," He put his arm around my shoulder.

"Oh, okay."

It was awkward for me, but to Matthew this seemed totally natural. We picked up my brother and led him to the fields behind the school.

"Is Mom or Dad picking you up?" I asked Xavier.

"Mhm, at six!"

"Alright. Give me a call if something changes." Xavier picked up his bat and went running to the cages with eagerness without answering me. "What a chump," I laughed.

"I remember when I was like that when I was little. I totally fell in love with basketball," Matthew bellowed with his own laugh. "I have an idea if we finish the game early, or start late, or whatever."

I was curious of what it could be, but I stayed quiet. I just looked at my feet.

"Awe, that's cute. Do you always do that when you're nervous?"

I felt my face get red. "No!" I tried to whisper, but I was too scared he thought I did, and it came out too quickly and too loudly.

"It's okay, I get it!" He played with my hair.

I couldn't take it anymore. "Matthew, we aren't anything more than neighbors! What's with the arm and the hair and the looking for me and -" I cut myself short when I realized what I was doing.

"Sorry..." Matthew took his arm off my shoulder.

"No, I am. I didn't mean it like that," I reassured him.

"I'm not offended, haha don't worry. I just thought that, you know, we could be best friends," He smiled.

I cringed at those words. My feet looked pretty interesting. No, stop doing that. He's going to think it's cute again.

I sighed once again.