If only you knew me

Dinner

It had been a week since our little argument and it seems we have been avoiding each other at all costs. Not that we were still angry but it always becomes very awkward between us when we express our feelings for each other. We have always been close friends but now that it is becoming more we don't know how to react to it. For the most part we are usually rushing past each other. Our new thing is our scheduling board. Its very effective for my clogged mind but it also helps us to keep tabs on each other without actually talking but I have had enough. Our meeting with my parents was later on today, I didnt need for us to not be A1 and have to deal with my parents at the same time.

As I exited the car I stepped back into my peep toe booties, I hated wearing heels when I drove because it was uncomfortable to me. Grabbing my purse I made my way to the doors of the gym. I greeted the receptionist who directed me to Thrash. Walking up all I could see was his thick, muscular, sweaty back going to work on the punching bag. The sight had me in a trance causing me to trip over my own two feet. All I could do was laugh at myself, how could I focus when he looked the way he did.... shame on him!

"Excuse me" I said as I walked around him

" Whats Up"

" Do you have a minute to talk?"

"Umm yeah sure just give me second"

I took a step back trying to make room for him to move when I noticed a journalist coming our way. So I calmly grabbed his arm to gain his attention and leaned in for a kiss while squeezing his arm so he knew to comply. Shockingly he was more than willing to state his claim on me.

And let me tell yall...... It was the SWEETEST kiss! I was only going for a peck but he slyly slid an arm around my waist pulling me closer while putting his whole SOUL into it. He gave me chills it was so genuine. I felt so many sparks ignite, I hadnt even opened my eyes for minute after it ended but when I did. he had his eyebrow raised and smirk like he just knew he was something all the while pulling me away with him.

"Whats on your mind"

"What we're doing has to stop. Im tired of the sticky notes, text messages and overall the loneliness. We need to set this all out on the table and figure out .... What we are and and where we are going with this. Remember we are meeting my parents tonight I can handle fighting with them and you. On top of that I cant fight my case with them because I don't know where I'm standing with you, know what I mean?"

"As for that night. I mean I am always gon be here for you whether I am mad with you or not. I dont want you to feel like you have to isolate yourself but i'm not with the leavin then coming back whenever somebody feel like they ready. I need you to let me know. The night I caught you I gave you that ultimatum for a reason. I want you to marry me and end this once and for all. You clear all your debts and start over, and I get you to help me build my image and empire all the while finally being mine. I see something in you that I know for a fact no one else does. I LOVE you Leanna, thats not something you play around with. I heard you when you said "I dont even want you" infact thats furthest from the truth. I want every bit of you but they way you act makes me think your in no rush to change your coldheartedness. I keep holding on to these other women because something deep inside of me was just waiting for you to fuck up.I had not come to terms for my feelings for you until recently. I thought so low of you but yet I still kept running to your side whenever you needed me then at some point in time I realized it. In my mind you're the perfect person for me which is why I asked you to marry me but you gotta change. The way you act you run people away, you gotta change or you gon always run people away."

"I cant help it Thrash I'm not use to someone being there for me like this. I love you too and I want to change I do, but do you really believe we need to get married?"

"If you won't marry me then it's simple. I refuse to play super hero to anyone other than my wife. So you take my hand in marriage or you'll be back were you started, only this time you'll be there without me.I love you but I'm not here for that nonsense"

I guess he's right. Who am I to think that he is supposed to just take care of me. Since I've been with him I have not contributed to our household in anyway besides occupying it. The car is his, the house is his, the cell phone is in his name, he bought all my designer things. The least I could do is marry him I know that if I don't I'll be right back into the streets. It's so hard though. I'm not ready for marriage, I'm not ready to be anyone's wife. I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror

"I guess I've made my choice"

*****

My parents have always been hard to please. Nothing I do is ever good enough unless it's what they want and how they want it. My sister was okay with playing puppet but I refuse. At 20 years old there is no reason why I have to do as they say. By all means I would respect them in any other wished such as chores, curfew, and allowances because I lived under their roof. If I am deemed ungrateful for not giving them access to my personal and social life then so be it.

Thrash and I made it to the quant little restaurant 15 minutes before the expected time and of course my parents were already there. My mother and her red wine, my father and his scotch.

With in feet of the table my father rises and Thrash rushes to grab his hand

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. James. My name is Jordan... Jordan Stewart"

"Ahh nice to finally meet my daughters Fiancée"

"Oh daddy don't be like that"

"So Jordan can you give us some background on you." ignoring me.

"Well I'm from North Carolina. I grew up being raised by a single father, my mother was present but not as active as my father. He was hard on us, me and my brothers that is, but I appreciate it now. We were a middle class family in a nice suburban area and though we didn't want for anything my father always had us working. He kept us busy. I played sports throughout my teen years. Soccer, football, basketball wrestling, I did it all. Went to college for a little but I ended up settling for an associates degree because I was getting a big name in the industry and my mind was with the money. That's been my life since"

"Hmm okay. That's great. If I weren't married id try to keep you for myself! Haha. And how are you Lee? We haven't heard from you in a while. Seems someone has kept you occupied"

"Haha yeah I've have been keeping her out of trouble" Thrash says as he takes his seat

"Hmm is that so?"

"Dad"

"What Leanne? With your track record I have every right to be doubtful. Jordan son, are you sure, Lee can be a bit much and it's not a problem for her to come home. As you may or may not have known she does have a criminal history of embezzlement, I have read up on you and some one of you stature.... Well, frankly, you don't need to be involved with someone like her"

"EXCUSE ME!?"

"No excuse YOURSELF if you can't hear the truth Leanna!"

"With all due respect sir, I already know about Lee, and yes I've even been a victim. I know this may sound crazy but.. This IS what I want-"

"Oh for the Love of God you are just as sad as I thought you would be. You know what. Maybe you two are good for each other. I'm done having my life revolve around Leanna, if this is what you want then you have my blessing. Just know that when this" she points between us two " Is done you WILL come home and YOU will abide by our rules, do you hear me?" She questions but I don't say I word.