Ahn Pete | NCT OC |

Change Of Emotions (Pt.1)

Every person has those dark days when they don't even want to get out of bed. Idols have that too. They're human as well. Pete gets those days more frequently than others. Even if he's young he goes through a lot. He understands the hardships of life. Well at least some of them.  He would say he grew up too quickly. The young boy saw the dark side too early on his life. He had friends who were struggling just like him. Most of them older than Pete. The Australian boy had to learn how to cope with losing his friends and sunbaes. 

The one that hurt him the most was when Jonghyun passed away. He looked and still looks up to him. He always admired his works. They considered each other siblings. So when he heard of his passing he broke down in tears. He didn't show his emotions. He put on a smile to make fans happy. Noone saw through his mask. He tried but his emotions caught up with him. He hid his struggles for years. It always just got worse. What made it even worse was the news of Sulli's passing. Pete wasn't as close to her but he still admired her. The boy wondered why would so many people hate such a wonderful person. After some time passed he got the news of Goo Hara's passing. He thought that so many beautiful and amazing people are leaving.

This is when fans started to worry about him. His smiles seemed forced and he wasn't laughing as much. The fans realized he wasn't as happy as he seemed. Pete didn't want to admit it. One day his parents had enough of it and they made an appointment with a psychiatrist. They didn't want their son to struggle at such a young age but they didn't know how long this has been going on. After his visit to the doctor, he went on a hiatus. Pete thought the break was not needed, but everyone else thought otherwise. Even after some needed rest, it didn't get any better. People were too scared about his mental state. He wanted to perform with his members, who are also his family. 

Since his long hiatus started he was getting more and more caught up in his thoughts. The boy had a big amount of free time and he spent it in his room where he had nothing else to do than think. And that's what he always did. One night Pete couldn't fall asleep. The voices in his head that were making his mental health worse and worse by every passing day decided it would be a great idea to come back in the poor boy's head.  

"You're not worth it."

"You don't deserve to live."

"Why are you still alive?"

"Just kill yourself!"

And that is what Pete was planning to do. But no one had any idea about his plans.

A/N: Thank you for reading this part and sorry for making all of you wait for so long. Have a good day or night.