5. Unreal

37 6 0
                                    

What does Minho have that I don't?
He's not even that special.

Now I wanna know who's his boyfriend.
Is he really better than me?

07:30 am

When I woke up, I realised that I still haven't called Chris. I don't know if I wanted to though, because he thinks that I like him, while I don't. I will only hurt him if I continue this, so I decided to just forget about him. If I could, at least.

I did my daily morning routine and went to university. When I had arrived, I heard students talking about him. They were talking about how he went to the club, and apparently puked on the floor while dancing.

I smiled and paved my way to the building.
When the professor started his lesson, I looked at the people who were sitting around me.

"He's not here again." I thought.
How are we supposed to torture him, then?

A few hours later

It's lunchtime, I have an arrangement with Changbin so I have to go home again.

I left the building and wanted to take the bus, but then I saw someone.

"Cutie!"

No...

"Oh hey, Chris..."

I really, really didn't want to see him today, especially not now.

"Why didn't you call me?" he said, pouting.
"I'm sorry. I've been busy." I lied.
He smiled slightly.
"That's okay, do you want to hang out with me right now?"
I really can't.
"W-well, ehm..."
"Okay, let's go!"
Shit.

He drove us to the library first, since he still has to return some books. I agreed to enter the library with him and waited for him at a table.

"Hyunjin, why are you crying?"

I immediately stood up, looking around me, shaking violently.
This can't be.
He's here?!

"Chan? What are you doing here?" Hyunjin said, wiping his tears with the blue sleeves of his oversized hoodie.
"Returning some books. Hyunjin, what's wrong?"
"N-Nothing."
"Well, doesn't seem like it."
"Chris, shut up. I've seen you with Felix."
I saw Chris looking pretty confused, not knowing what's going on.
"Felix? Do you know Felix?"
Then I thought it would be a great idea to just...run.
I ran away as fast as I could, not even looking behind me, or considering the people that were trying to read.
I had to escape.
Almost before I left the building I heard Hyunjin say something:
"You stole him from me."

Half an hour later I showed up at my house, already seeing Changbin, looking annoyed.
"Where were you?" He said, letting a sight out of frustration.
"I saw Chris...and yeah."
"You forgot about me?"
"Well no, but-"
"Miss me with your excuses, if you don't even want to do this tell me and I'll leave your ass."
"N-No I want to, Changbin, I apologise."
"Mhm."
He looked at my pocket, wanting me to open the door. I grabbed my keys and unlocked the door. We went inside, while I turned on the lights he was staring at the jacket that was lying on the couch.
"Is that yours?" Changbin asked, inspecting the black clothe.
"N-No."
"Whose is it then?"
"H-Hyunjin's."
He looked at me, eyes full of disgust. He walked over to the sofa and grabbed the jacket, throwing it on to the floor, making me startled a little.
"Gross."
He spit on it and looked at me with a mischievous smile. I grinned and took a a few steps closer to him.
Changbin grabbed my shoulders and whispered in my ear:
"He made me love the pain."

An hour later Changbin was gone. We discussed some ideas for our project and eventually decided on one.

Today wasn't the right day to do it, so we will start tomorrow.

One thing I want to know is though, how does Chris know Hyunjin?

I wanted to ask him but, I left him hanging out there in the library and I don't think he's very happy about that.

Even though I didn't want to go in the first place, and even though I've been basically forced to go with him, I still feel guilty.
Maybe I should apologise to him too.

Hours have passed and I've only been staring at my wall. I know I should sleep, but my emptiness won't leave my body nor my soul. It's breaking me, little by little. Sometimes I don't feel hollow, or unoccupied, just thinking about Hyunjin makes me feel loved again.

When I'm in that bubble, that bubble that makes me think that there's still hope, I'm happier than ever. He gave me love, according to him, and I kept it deep inside my heart, head, soul. But in reality, he gave me nothing but deceit, what apparently seemed to give the same feelings as love, since I believed in it. His so called 'love'.

Now I don't believe in anything. Because if you give your everything but get nothing in return, there's nothing left from you to give anymore to anyone, or anything.
So then there's that emptiness, craving for something to fill you up, and make you complete.
But there isn't anything. There's nothing that can save you.

In the end I still managed to fall asleep, aided by some tools.
I slept very peacefully, physically. There was nothing to wake me up in my sleep. But my night was also a nightmare, mentally. My dreams always show me the good or bad, depending on how you view it, sides of life. But when you wake up, it just makes you feel even worse, knowing that you'll never achieve something like that during your entire life. That's why I don't believe in dreams, or having a dream, since they are only capable of hurting you.

I woke up, sweat sticking onto my forehead. I looked at my phone: 06:50 am.
I sat up and buried my face in my hands.
I don't wanna wake up.
The pain is getting stronger and stronger everyday. The more time passes, the more I'm missing him.
No one can replace him.

After a while I stood up, took a shower and brushed my teeth.
I was wondering if I should eat breakfast, but I decided not to. I would be sick after anyway. I can't eat anymore.

Today I had to meet Changbin at his place, so I started walking towards his house. I kept my head down, remembering the times when I would go to his place.

I had almost arrived at his home, I only had to walk on the bridge and I would be there. But I stopped walking when I was at the top of the bridge.
I walked over to the rail, looking down at the running water.
This could be the end.

I was staring intensely at the water, until I heard a very familiar voice.
"Felix, don't jump, I miss you."














And There Was No One Left - ChanglixWhere stories live. Discover now