And There Was No One Left - Changlix

8. It's what he deserved

He's cute.

The boy in front of me, he's cute.
I can't pay attention to what he's saying. I don't know what's happening to me. My body is tingling when I look at him, I hate this feeling. It reminds me of him.

"Felix?"
Shit. He noticed.

"Y-Yes?"
"Why aren't you listening?"

I could've answered his question in many ways.
"Because there's something concerning me."
"Because I'm tired."
"Because I feel anxious."
"Because I saw Hyunjin."
"Because I love you."

"What?"
What did I just do?
"N-No, I didn't mean to say that."
He looked me dead in the eyes. He doesn't believe me. I have to redeem myself.

"I was hearing voices again."
My deepest secret. I have schizophrenia. It has destroyed me in every way possible, physically and emotionally.

My parents were ashamed to have my as their child. My teachers were ashamed to have me as their student. My therapist was ashamed to have me as their patient. He was ashamed to have me as his best friend. I was ashamed of having me as myself.

I told my crush my deepest secret.

"You hear voices?"
I wanted to punch myself. Did I really just ruin this relationship as well? Changbin is the only one I have right now. If he leaves, there will be no one left.

I didn't answer. I know that if I said something that it will only make everything worse.

"I was just kidding."
"Why would you joke about something serious as that?"

"Yes, I do."
"You're a creep. I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"What if I do?"
"Then I'm glad Hyunjin left you."

I started crying. I'm pathetic. I deserve everything that's happening to me.

"I'm glad you told me."

What? Why isn't he mad? Why isn't he grossed out?

I was panicking. This can't be right. He should have left me minutes ago. Why is he actually nice? A nice guy? A sweet guy? Not like Hyunjin?

I wouldn't stop crying. This must be a dream. I will wake up in a few hours just to find out this is all fake. And that everyone still hates me, including Changbin.

"Felix, don't cry."

Everyone was staring at me. Staring at this pathetic loser that cries at everything and anything. Someone that shouldn't have been alive in the first place.

I ran away. I ran away from this situation, this embarrassment called my life.

I'm sorry, Changbin, that you have to be in my life.

You deserve better.

"Why did Felix run away?"

That's something I've been asking myself a lot these last few weeks. Felix hasn't responded to my messages nor my phone calls. Did I say something wrong?

Does he not trust me? Does he think that I hate him now?

It must be the opposite. He hates me. Not the other way around.

Why am I even thinking about him? He's nothing special, just another lost soul.

I don't have feelings, especially not towards him. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

"Changbin, do you have anything to do with this?"

I'm currently being asked questions by a detective. Felix has been missing for a month and no one has heard of him after what happened between us.

It's my fault. I know I shouldn't have asked him out, who even likes me? I'm creepy, weird, emotionless.

He was in so much pain. He needed my help, but I acted as if I don't care about him. I mean, I don't care about him. But I should've acted as if I did.

No, it's not my fault. Hyunjin shouldn't have hurt him in the first place. First he hurts me, and then an innocent boy like Felix. He should pay for what he did. And I'm gonna make him.

Whether Felix is dead or alive, somehow he will get what he deserved, love.

"I don't even know him."

With that having said, I left the room.

I was minding my own business. As in, thinking about my past, and what I did wrong, but not caring about what I did wrong, because it doesn't bother me. They deserved to get hurt.

But then I heard a voice that made me crawl inside my own skin.

"Changbin, we need to talk."

Does he really have the audacity to talk to me after hurting both Felix and I? Apparently.

"Why?"
"We just need to. See me after I'm done with class at my house, 17:00 pm."
"Alright."

I took a weapon with me, just in case he says some bullshit again. I want him to be gone, once and for all.

"So? What do you want?"

He sat on the couch while I stood in front of it. I don't trust him, and never will.

"Felix. What happened to him?"

I kept quiet. What's he gonna do? Threaten me? I would slice his neck.

"Answer me."

I looked him in the eyes, and didn't say anything. I won't say a single thing, he doesn't deserve to know the truth. He is the reason that this happened in the first place.

If Hyunjin wouldn't have left Felix, then Felix wouldn't have left me.

"Changbin, I get that you hate me, but I need to know where Felix is, I'm worried."

You're worried? Just now you're worried? Felix is depressed, harms himself and is suicidal, and has always been since you did that.

It's all your fault. If he's dead it's your fault. You shouldn't have treated him that way.

I wanted to say all that, but I didn't. Stay clueless, one time you will find out, betrayal.

And one time you will regret your existence.

"Changbin?"

1 minute later he laid on the sofa, unconsciously. That's what he deserved, he talked bullshit.

He's not dead, he doesn't deserve a quick death.

But he will wake up with unbearable pain in his stomach.