Skybreak [not to be continued]

IV

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

I was sat in my room staring at the wall in front of me. I felt numb - empty, and completely alone. I hadn't picked up any of my revision in the last two weeks; hardly touched my guitar. I had only sat on my bed, or the floor, and stared at my walls while endless streams trickled down from my eyes like waterfalls. My parents had been forcing me to eat but they couldn't make me go back to the person I once was.

I stared at the wall in front of me at the college of photos that I had been decorating it with for the last few years. Most girls had posters on their walls, but I preferred collection of photos, postcards, tickets: actual things that I had seen, been to and done. Blown up to A4 size in the centre was a selfie of Rosa and I on our prom day, wearing long dresses and fancy make-up – in colours that differed from our usual dark and monotonous look – pulling the worst faces imaginable and looking like hideous monsters. I smiled slightly through my tears, it was a great night and something I hoped I would never forget, the reason the stupid selfie was still on the wall. Alongside it stood photos from endless holidays, expeditions, music festivals which we always attended; everything I did, some record would go up.

Looking at my wall made me realise how constricted I actually felt cooped up in my room. I'd only left the house once and that was 4 days ago, just to attend Rosa's funeral. I sang and played my guitar, singing a song that was by mine and Rosa's favourite female artist: Just Before Goodbye, by Nina Nesbitt. I'd pretty much been in tears for the whole thing but amazingly still managed to sing alright.

But after that, I couldn't find a reason to want to play anything, or sing. Usually I would do it with Rosa - but she's gone now and I'm don't quite feel like the same person without her. My guitar lay untouched in the case, the lead to my amp stung across the room and lay uncomfortably on my door handle.

Suddenly, my bedroom door slammed open and my parents walked in, glaring disapprovingly at the sight in front of them. 
"What is wrong with you?" My dad started yelling at me. You've been sat in here for two weeks and haven't done anything at all! If all you're going to do is mope around your room for weeks then maybe it's best for you to move out and support yourself. Im fed up of having a daughter who can’t and won't do anything. I don't know what's got into you!" They took a step back out of my room, so they were now stood on the landing.

I stared at them in complete shock before slowly and quietly speaking a reply. 
"I'm sorry that my best friend has died and I haven't been able to get over we death. I'm sorry that I am such an inconvenience and maybe I will move out.” It felt like I was talking to a small child, why couldn’t they understand that it was hard to get over someone dying, let alone your best friend? “I have money saved for my gap year, and I'll use it now instead. I'll be gone by Monday morning, in two days’ time, and I hope you'll be okay knowing that your daughter isn't coming back soon."

I picked myself up and threw myself at my door, smiling slightly before slamming it in my parents' faces and dropping the facade, breaking down sobbing behind my door. I wasn't okay. I wanted my best friend to come back, and I knew that she wasn't. Slowly and carefully, I pieced together a plan in my head of what I was going to do on Monday: move to London. I was going to make the most of this opportunity - like Rosa would have wanted me to do - and go see the sights, meet people and play music.

I'd been saving up so that in my gap year I could travel around, busking in towns and cities because I loved music and I wanted to share my love with other people. Numerous friends and family members (including Rosa) always told me that I should be signed, but it's probably only because they're family and are obliged to think that. Personally, I don't think I'm actually that good. Also, I guess I wanted to go to London because that's what I was going to do with Rosa, and I find it hard to break habits - even now she’s dead. I will do what we planned, but only without her.

I walked around my room; packing up most my clothes (or chucking them in a pile for laundry) and personal belongings I couldn't leave behind - my guitar and notebook being the most important. I had just managed to fit nearly everything I owned into a rucksack (plus my guitar case) and left it by my desk for me to pick up when I left. Tomorrow, I would resign from my jobs: waitressing during the evenings at a local seafood restaurant and a shop assistant in one of the few music shops in a town not too far away. I'd raised enough money to pay off some of my university fees, plus what I was going to spend on my gap year. I would probably still have to get a job when I got to the city, but it was nice to know I had money to all back on.

I sat down on my bed and looked at my packed bags: smiling contently to myself. My beautiful guitar lay in its case, alongside my rucksack packed full with clothes and other various belonging that I would need. I felt at peace with myself, the haunting thoughts of Rosa's death and my parents practically disowning me were in the past now, it seemed.

I was going on an adventure soon and I was pretty damn excited.