Skybreak [not to be continued]

XI

My headphones had resumed their usual positions in my ears sometime during the trip back to my cold hotel room. The soundtrack to my life continued to softly sing to my ears, as I wondered up the countless flights of stairs to the room where I was staying; it was a relief I wouldn’t be staying there much longer!

Even though it was heading towards summer in England, the British weather had decided that it would unleash storms over the whole country, drowning us in litres of rain. As a result of this, my hotel room was cold and let in the strong gales which blew through the city every night. I was relieved that I would soon be situated in a flat without that problem, even if I did have to share it with someone else. I knew that Alaska was probably not going to be hard to live with, and her bubbly persona seemed to always allow her to see everything in an optimistic way: I wasn’t fussed that we wouldn’t get along.

I checked my phone for tomorrow’s weather forecast, and since it looked to be brightening up, I decided that I would go busking, especially since the tube stations were pretty sheltered anyway. I had mentioned to the boys that I had met that we should meet up some time, but as usual I had forgotten to give them my number or take any form of communication. It didn't matter too much, no matter how big London was, we still managed to run into each other – even in the strangest of places.

I sighed and drew my hands to my case which lay beside my bed and pulled out my instrument to just play and think. Music always seemed to put my mind to rest, and that’s what I needed in this moment: some time when my brain wasn’t concerned about anything but what the next chord would be.

~

I had been in London for about a week but I still got the same feel of tranquillity whenever I played and sang: no matter how big my audience was, or who was watching.

I was genuinely surprised that I hadn't run into Luke, Mikey, Ash or Calum since our brief encounter in the shop where I met Alaska. They had been playing on the edge of my mind for all that time, but I had tried to keep myself distracted by thinking about other subjects, or playing music through my headphones again.

Now, as the station started filling up because of the rush time traffic, I began to play: attracting the people of London (and tourists from beyond), to watch and listen to me as they all patiently waited for their train.

The familiar rhythm of the Fray's 'You Found Me' ran through my head, and I recollected the chords and riffs that I needed to play before starting:

“Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me. Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded. Why’d you have to wait? Where were you, where were you? Just a little late, you found me…”

Although it was a sad song, many of the crowds were looking at me, faint smiles playing in their lips; brows furrowed in concentration, deep in thought, and the noise in the station had dropped radically; my voice ringing out to fill the threatening silence. A few people swayed, holding hands with their partners or friends, as I continued with the soft, flowing, melody of the song that I was singing.

As the song drew to a close, the train not yet having arrived, I continued to perform - only this time choosing a slow song with slightly more upbeat and romantic lyrics: 'Kiss Me' by Ed Sheeran.

"And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck. I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet and with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now"

If the crowd wasn't swaying before, they certainly was now. Many people were smiling at their partners, and even in the corner I could see people kissing. You could feel the romance and love in the air. Even the disruption of the train pulling up on the platform couldn't interfere with the atmosphere. The passengers dawdled to the train, a kind few of the smiling, swaying Londoners placing a few coins in my case before letting themselves be engulfed by the waiting vehicle, smiles on their lips.

This was why I played music: not for the money nor the self-enjoyment - but the feeling if everyone, all these other people, getting something out of it. The fact that I was causing people around me happiness.

As the train's passengers changed seats, I noticed the straightened hair of a boy who stumbled through the crowds in front of me, the walkers stepping back to avoid being charged at by a teenager. He never looked up, his gaze being one that focused on the floor, and I only saw him briefly - but the small glance that I had taken determined it was Ashton, and I was positive that the rest of them wouldn't be too far behind.

But for now, I continued to play; it was what I wanted to do. My audience awaited a new song, something for them to reminisce on and to accompany their wait. I would give it to them: always.

Some people don't understand why music is so important, but they don't realise that music was always there for me when people weren't. Music won't wake up one day and tell me it doesn't love me. Music won't leave, or die. It's a safe haven that I can constantly depend on, no matter what happens to me or my surroundings - and maybe that's why I like it so much, because it's a constant thing in an ever-changing world.

And so my fingers continued to strum and my voice accompanied it, even as my thoughts dragged me to other places. I was relaxed, and happy: all that was missing was the four boys I wished could be beside me.