in the crowd • luke hemmings

13. sweet tea

lola was having a bad day.

she'd woken up and immediately felt the need to sleep through the entire day and night until tomorrow.

nothing had upset her; nothing had happened to ruin her day. she was just having a bad day and had no idea what to do about it. her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool and dancing just wasn't cheering her up the way it usually did.

all lola wanted was to be at her parents house, but they lived so many miles away and she had a dance class to teach the next day.

"are you feeling okay?" eva, lola's closest friend from ballet, (but of course, not as close as bella and the boys - lola couldn't betray them like that) laced her shoes up beside lola, side-eyeing her with concern.

"just one of those days, you know?" lola could hear how different she sounded; small and quiet and tired.

eva's lips puffed out into a pout of sympathy, and she laid her head softly on lola's shoulder.

"after this, go home and put on a big sweater and watch a film."

her instruction prompted a small smile from lola, who couldn't help but feel slightly warmer at just how well her friends knew her.

but her body felt heavy in her turns and just couldn't seem to move the way she wanted it to. everything was dragging and lola was beginning to suspect she'd woken up with an extra dose of gravitational pull.

it felt like a relief once the long session was over - that was when lola really knew something was wrong.

dance was one of the things she loved most in the world. it made her happy the same way her friends and parents did; she didn't understand why it wasn't working.

her stomach twisted uncomfortably the entire walk home, and the grass beneath her feet blurred into one, green blob, each blade indistinctive from the other due to the growing wetness in her eyes.

lola pressed her lips together harshly, glaring at the swirling floor and feeling her teeth grind against each other as she clenched her jaw to steady her wobbling chin.

five more minutes. you'll be home in five more minutes.

her hands shook as she slid her bag off the shoulder to grasp her keys, and she prayed she wouldn't drop them, because lola knew if she dropped her keys she'd start crying on the doorstep, and the last thing she wanted was for her neighbours to have that much insight.

luckily, the key slotted easily in, and within a few seconds lola was inside the safety of her house with a few tears slipping down her cheeks.

she put her bag down slowly, taking a small breath before she kicked off the scuffed, white tennis shoes and making her way into her bedroom.

no, she didn't cry, but a steady stream of tears crawled out of her eyes and dampened her cheeks as she pulled off her leotard and shorts, stepping into the shower and allowing the water to hit the top of her head, breathing deeply and finally allowing herself to let out the small, quiet sobs she'd been resisting.

thankfully, it only took a few minutes for lola to feel like she'd released the overwhelming sadness that had been building up inside of her all day, and she took a deep breath, allowing the running water to pool into her hands and splashing her face with it; feeling a lot lighter.

***

dressed in fluffy socks, her favourite red sweater and a pair of shorts, lola sat on her bed, feeling slightly at a loss.

she'd gotten the sadness out, but now she just felt suspended. she had no idea what to do. the day had been so punctuated with sadness that now it had left her she didn't know what to do.