Guardian

Chapter 17

She doubts herself, every time I try to arrange something nice she doubts herself. I can see it in the way she hesitates, in the way that she looks down when she's talking to me, and how her throat works when she talks, as if she's keeping something down.

I should have told her. I should tell her right now. But how do you tell someone that you're their soulmate? It's not an easy conversation to have.
I can see how much it hurt her when I told her that Humans don't generally have Human soulmates. I could see her disappointment and it made me want to wrap her up in a hug and never let her go, for her to know that I am the one for her.

Harder than you'd think.

Watching her on the swing set, happily kicking herself higher as I hovered just in front of her, making sure nothing bad happened to her, I realized how in love I truly was.

This past week with her has been a dream come true. I've spent years imagining the days where I could hold her and have her know that I am there with her. Years yearning for her to take comfort in me, to laugh with me. Years of watching her go through ups and downs, losing people and making friends. I stayed her "safety blanket" that entire time, letting her live her life without me until I couldn't anymore. Sad to say that I was glad everything had happened, it brought me my Feather and allowed her to see me, for that I am thankful.

Every day with her has been me falling deeper and deeper, unable to catch myself. Words of admittance always caught on my tongue, waiting to be spat out. And I don't care if she doesn't love me the way I love her. I could hope all I want, and sometimes I prayed, burning the words because the only thing that I can do is wait for her to fall on her own.

And I didn't feel as if it was happening anytime soon. With everything that's happening, I can see Feather retreating back into her mind, thinking over everything, while trying to find a solution. I did, and will continue to do,everything that I can to help her. But I can't do that until she let's me in.

"Angel?"

"Yeah Ty?"

My heart fluttered at her nickname. "I know that somethings bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?"

She looked down at me from her swinging position and sighed. "It's childish."

"Nothing is too childish."

She stopped the swing with her feet, looking at her hands gripping the chain. "I just - I feel like I'm disassociating from everything, after what's been happening and discovering everything there is about this new world. I feel like, I'm spread too thin. I have these dreams at night time and when I wake up I'm not scared I'm just confused. I feel like I'm going to lose. "

"Lose what?"

She sniffed, but laugh at herself a the same time. "It's so stupid, I feel like I'm going to lose you."

My heart stopped in my chest and for a moment I stopped breathing. She's afraid to lose me? Me? Not her sister, or her brothers, or her Mom and step dad, but me.

"And it's so selfish of me to say that. You've been looking after me my whole life, my entire life. I can't expect you to just wait on me all day, to be there whenever I need you to be. It's unrealistic. But these dreams are making me crazy, and the murders and Paige missing all stacked up are just - it's too much Bubba."

My poor girl, so sad and confused.

For some reason, I felt responsible for this, felt as if I am the reason she felt this way. I knew it wasnt my fault, not entirely anyway. But I hadn't known, not fully that she was like this.
And selfish? My Feather, selfish? When pigs fly. Feather is the least selfish person I have ever met.