Never mine..

Suicidal

"Ayaan POV"

Mumbai was soaked into it's famous monsoon, it took me almost 3 hours to reach home. During my ride home I've tried locating anything about 'lilly on my laptop. I tried her phone tracker, called my personal investigator regarding this matter but the results were none. I couldn't help but yearns for her presence. Even series of meetings at work or alcohol are not much of a help now.

When i've entered the living I took a seat on my long chair, my maid came to me with a glass of water, I took a look at her face and she was looking so tensed about something. She started rattling through which I only could collect that swarni haven't came out of her room since last night, she didn't even answering her door.

Laxmi was scared that she might have commit suicide or something on which the water in my mouth sprang out on the carpet. I ran to my room to get the master keys and opened her door. I usher inside and saw her still lying on the bed. All colours has drained out of my face, In panic I reached her side to see if she okay or not and took a deep breath on realising that she was still breathing.

I took her hand in mine, she was burning like a fire. She was looking so pale her lips were turning blue. I immediately asked laxmi to ask Max to bring our family doctor home as soon as possible. When she left I tried to wake her up but she was immovable. Her whole body was shivering. I called the other house help to bring a heater for her room.

Laxmi came back with the bowl of cold water and a wet piece of clothe which she started keeping on her forehead to bring down her fever, I saw laxmi was looking at our joined hand on which I stood up swiftly leaving her hand. Swarni was twisting and turning her body side to side mumbling something. I was going near her to hear what she was saying when Doctor entered in her room.

I chose to step out of the room and asked laxmi to be there with her when Doctor was checking what's wrong with her. I came back to the living room tried to act normal as if I don't care much about her but I couldn't help thinking about the reasons of her suffering and to some extend I knew what it was.

About 20 minutes later, doctor came down from her room and told me that she has high fever, it was basically because of the weakness. While I was seeing him off he kept his hand on my shoulder "you know ayaan I know you since you were born, I have seen you growing up to a fine young man. You are a good person but that scare on her face and arms is telling me otherwise. I've not expected this kind of behaviour from you." I stood there speechless, his words were hitting me into my gut. "She is your wife ayaan your other half, your responsibility. My medicine can only heal her illness but along with that she needs your love and nurturing too. Her illness has becomes more mental than physical for which I prescribe you to sort things out with her least respect her. It's been only few days of your wedding. I think you should talk to her, she seems as a great women to me. She deserved to be happy and loved. "

He took his farewell and my legs automatically took me to swarni's room. I stepped closer to her, climbed next to her in her bed and held her hand in mine. She was still burning my eyes went to her arm and the mark was visible on her skin as she was wearing a T-shirt. I couldn't help but cursed myself under my voice.

Did I do that, a surge of guilt spread throughout my chest. I was no less than my dad I never realised that I was becoming like him which I never wanted to be. When we were little he used to raise his hand on my mum, we used to cry about it but being a mother she never showed us any sort of weakness. Because of me and nia my mother hadn't even applied for divorce because she wanted us to live in a family with both the parents.

Maybe this is the reason why nia never wants to get married. She is afraid that every men is going to be like my father, scratch that, like me.

I was about to leave when her hold on my hand became stronger so i've decided to stay just for tonight, I looked at her face she was sleeping soundly after her medication.

I spoke to her sleeping self before I fell asleep "I am so sorry swarni. I know it was not your fault. I promise I will not hurt you again, I will not let anyone hurt you ever again. Get well soon swarni before I go mad. I cannot handle this much of a guilt. "