Never mine..

Depression

"Swarni POV"

Who knew I would have survived through our marriage this long. It's been 10 months since we were both forced into this marriage but the mutual understanding and ayaan's suggestion to be cordial with one another has managed to avoid any further chaos in our already disorganized married life.

Speaking of ayaan we don't spend that lot of time together but we understand each other, after that episode in which I got slapped by his father he never forced me to go at his parents place, although his mum and sister stick around well. And our baby boy krish he has became an Apple of my eye. Whenever he stays for sleep over we make sure to put him in bed on time and than wait for him to sleep tight so that ayaan don't have to sleep in my bed again. I am not complaining though, it's really hard for me to not like him. He is terribly handsome, he is so caring and have soft corner for kids which sane girl will not feel attracted to the guy who have so many brownie points.

Though I never understands why the hell my sister ran away from ayaan she is such an idiot, she doesn't even know what she is leaving behind. However this doesn't even affected ayaan's love for her a bit. First 3 months ayaan was okay or may be he was trying to be optimistic about her departure but the last 5 months he have turned into a walking dead. He don't interact much, he don't eat properly, he don't sleep properly. Even his precious baby nephew is unable to cheer him up.

He is draining himself to work, he leaves early and return late in the nights, every day has became a task for me to feed him. I literally begs him into eating but since last 2 days he don't even listen to that also.

It hurts me to the stomach to see him like this, his life has became a battle in which his solo mission is to find lilly. Every day he shatters in front me and every day he is dying from inside, I know it because I cares about him, I deeply, madly care about him. Who wouldn't concern about the person who you are falling for. Yes I admit that I am falling for him and I can't help it. But I am not asking him to love me in return why would I when it's evident that my husband is head over heal in love with my cousin. He will never be mine.

My love for him doesn't stop me to pray for lilly to come back soon. I know I would be out of the picture once she will be back but it's nothing in comparison to ayaan's happiness. If her presence is all does matter to him than i am ready to accept it even if they will throw me out of this house, even if ayaan will hate me again, I just want him to smile again, I want him to live his life like human and not like some robot who only works day in day out.

This needs to ends now, I can't handle it anymore. I took a pledge to fix his life, no matter what, which starts with your favorite tea my dear husband "laxmi" I shouted her name and she ran up to me I handed her the tray with tea and biscuits "take this to ayaan's room, he need it otherwise he is again going to leave for office without eating anything. " I send him tea every morning in bed, I know it calms him.

Laxmi came back to the kitchen but the tea on a tray was untouched. "Sir has already left mam" My hands turned into a fist "throw everything I made than" I told her in frustration and left for my room. I picked up my mobile to call him, I cannot handle this anger without giving him piece of my mind. Why does he wants to starve himself. Everytime when he gets to know that I have skipped the meal he had never loose a chance to scold me and makes me remind of what doctor has told him when I got sick which he never tells me completely or clearly. I dialed his number which was currently unavailable which was cherry on top of my anger to another level. Love him or not, I am going to kill him tonight.