Who I Really Am (A Remus Lupin Love Story)

Chapter Twentytwo

I stay silent. I know Remus won't take silence for an answer, but I can at least avoid talking for as long as possible.
"Bria, please tell me." He whispers. I look at him and his eyes meet mine. Concern. That's what I see in them. And something else, hidden under it. Something I can't place.
"I...I don't want to." I whisper back. But I don't look away from him. I'm tired of looking away like a coward.
"Why not?" He asks just as quietly.
"It's a sad story, Remus. And it doesn't have a happy ending. I don't think it ever will."
"Don't say that." He tells me, "You don't know. Maybe it will."
"I don't think so."
"Fine, be pessimistic. Now, tell me the story."
"But it's sad."
"Everyone's story is sad." He says, looking away.
"What's so sad about your story, Remus?"
"That's not important right now. We're focusing on your story."
"That's a bit hypocritical, don't you think?"
"I'll tell you sometime. But only if you: tell me your story first, and forgive me. And promise not to tell anyone my story."
"Fine. But you can't tell anyone either."
"Sounds good to me."
"Okay then... Where do I start?" I say dramatically, trailing off. I stay silent, thinking. Obviously I'm not going to tell Remus the full story. He'll get an edited version, with just enough information to keep him quiet. And to keep me from having another breakdown.
I look over at him, opening my mouth so that I can start telling him my edited story. But when I meet his eyes, something stops me. I hesitate, closing my mouth. Then I look straight ahead and wrap my arms around my knees. Then, all of the sudden, as if I've been waiting forever to tell Remus my scarring past, the words come tumbling out of my mouth.  But instead of the edited version I had in my head, Remus gets the original copy. The rough draft. The draft even Lily's never been told.
"Once upon a time, I was happy. I had a life, I had a family, I had everything I ever wanted. And I took it all for granted."
"Everything?" Remus asks.
"Everything. I wanted the little things. I wanted to always be Serenity's favorite sister, even though it was only the two of us. I wanted my Dad to pick me up and put me on his shoulders, saying that he was 'The Princess's carriage'. I wanted my Mum to read me stories every night. Her reading voice was like magic." I'm starting to whisper. "In short, I wanted my life to stay the same. I never wanted it to change. It was perfect. I still wish my life were like that. I wish my Dad was still around to carry me on his shoulders, even though I'd be too heavy and too old now. I still want to be Serenity's favorite. I still want my Mum to read The Tales of Beetle the Bard to me, even though I'm too old and I can read it on my own. I still want to make them proud." A tear slides down my face. "But I've disappointed them."
"Don't say that." Remus says.
"They raised me to be a brave Gryffindor. Someone who will always stand up for others and themself, someone who will always be brave, someone like them. I think the only reason the Sorting Hat put me into Gryffindor was because I was practically screaming it in my head."
"Again, don't say that. You've been brave lately. You tried to Stupefy me the other day, remember?"
I smile a bit. "Yeah, I remember. But I don't think I have."
Remus sighs. "I guess I can't convince you."
"No. Now let me finish. I want to get this over with." I say, digging my nails into palms. I see Remus nod out of the corner of my eye.
Then I tell him the rest of the story, the same way I told Lily, up until I get to the part when the Ministry lady comes to get me. That's when the rough draft spills out again. "I hid in the wardrobe. I don't know how long I was in there. Six hours at the least, because when the Ministry lady opened the doors, I saw the light of dawn spilling onto the floor.
She didn't notice me at first. They must've been looking for a little while. She almost gave up, but right before she was about to close the doors she moved a gray jacket that was hanging in front of me. When she saw me sitting there, she screamed, so several people came over to see what she'd discovered. Then one of them lifted me out of the cabinet and set me down on the floor.
'Who are you?' The Ministry lady asked me in a nice voice, looking down at me. She was plump, with long dark hair and big square glasses covering her eyes.
'Bria.' I told her.
'Bria who? What's your last name, sweety?' She asks, and then she squats so that we're at eye level.
'Noble. Bria Noble.' I told her, holding out my hand like I'd seen my Mum and Dad do to strangers.
The Ministry lady shook my hand, muttering some name I can't remember. Then she asked me, 'Who are your parents, sweetie? Do you live here?'
'Yeah I live here! My Mum's name is Joy Noble! And my Dad's name is Alex Noble. Where are they? Where's Mum and Dad? And Serenity?' I asked the lady. I was hoping she was going to say 'In the living room! We're fixing them up now, then they'll be good as new!'
But that's not what she said. She sat down next to me, took my hand, and said, 'Bria. I know this is going to be terribly hard on you. But... But... Your Mum, Dad, and sister are dead. I'm so sorry, Bria.'
'NO!' I screamed, standing up. 'NO! YOU'RE WRONG, YOU'RE WRONG! THEY'RE NOT DEAD! THEY'RE PLAYING A TRICK ON ME! I'LL SHOW YOU!'
I ran down the hall, past Aurors and Healers and other Ministry people. Behind me the lady shouted 'Bria! Come back! Don't-' but she was too late.
Lying on three stretchers in the middle of our living room were Mum, Dad, and Serenity, looking completely unscathed. 'See? They're just pretending.' I tell her, poking Serenity's arm.
'No Bria, they're not. Please, come with me.'
'No! They're pretending!' I insist.
'They're not pretending. Now come on Bria, I have to take you to your new home.'
'No! Never!' I yelled, throwing myself onto Serenity's body as tears streaked down my face. 'No!'
'Please don't make me use a spell on you, Bria.'
'I'M NOT LEAVING! I'M NOT LEAVING THEM! NEVER! NO!'
'Potrificus Totalus.' She says calmly, pointing her wand at me. Then she scooped me up into her chubby arms, and gave me a look of sympathy as she carried me out the door. My eyes were flickering between looking at the corpses of my family longingly, and giving death glares to her. She put me in the back of a car, and she drove me to the orphanage in silence, keeping me frozen while I gave her more death glares. I couldn't even look back one last time.
When we got to the orphanage parking lot, she turned around and looked me right in the eyes. 'This is your home now. I know it's hard, but it is. I'm going to take the spell off you. Don't try and do anything stupid, because we'll be in front of Muggles and it's against the rules to use magic in front of them.' She gave me a stern look, and then continued. 'Speaking of magic, you can't use yours when it comes. This is a Muggle orphanage. If you use magic, the Ministry will get you into trouble.' She gave me an even sterner look, and then she gave the last part to her speech. 'And one last thing: Don't tell anyone you are a witch or that your parents were a witch and a wizard. You'll get in trouble for that too. They died in a car accident, if anyone asks. Got it?' She judged me for a while, and then she nodded and waved her wand. I could move again. 'Now come on, let's go. And remember, behave.' I nodded, and then we walked inside the orphanage.
The Ministry lady told the girl at the counter a story, and then they showed me to my new room. It was dark and gloomy, with only the basics: a bed, a window, and a dresser. After that they both left, and I've been alone ever since." I say, finally finishing with tears streaking down my face. I look over at Remus, wanting to know his reaction.
But suddenly he's not there. He's sitting right beside me. He's taller than I am, so I can't see his expression. "I'm sorry, Bria." He says thickly.
"I am too." I say. And that's when I have another breakdown.
My brain goes on autopilot. No, not autopilot. If it were on autopilot I would've ran from the room. But something inside me takes over, and suddenly my head is resting on Remus's chest, and I'm crying into his shirt while he runs his fingers through my hair.
And in that moment, everything changed. Everything.