I never thought I'd ever fall for Camila. I never thought I'd find a decent job. I never thought I'd get accepted into college. I never thought I'd have to watch an ambulance carry my best friend out of my house because of a heroin overdose...and I never thought I'd be told by a doctor that his heart stopped.
And I never thought I'd be sitting front row at his funeral wearing all black.
Hysterical sobbing comes from the row behind me. Its Zayn's mother. Her brother, Zayn's uncle, tries his best to calm her but he can barely keep himself together. Her husband seems in shock
to say the least. His eyes have been focused on his son's casket ever since he stepped foot in the church. They no longer look like crackheads. Rehab must've worked out well.
It wasn't until today that I see how many people cared for Zayn. Even some of the people from our high school years showed up. Most of them took it upon themselves to lay red roses on top of his closed casket. Most of them gave me empty apologies. I haven't conjured up the strength to say anything yet.
Camila grips my arm tightly as the pastor preaches about how precious life is and how Harry is in a better place. I look over at her to see tears streaming down her cheeks.
Dad and Sinuhe listen to the preaching with intertwined hands and watery eyes.
I'm the only one that isn't crying. I've shed so many tears this past week and I don't think I have any left.
I'm just imagining Zayn punching my shoulder, telling me to, "Stop being such a pussy." I smile a little at the thought, but it doesn't last long.
Camila's hold on my arm gives me some type of comfort. I don't feel so...alone. Just the thought of being alone scares the living hell out of me.
For some reason, I feel angry. I'm angry that Zayn's uncle gave up on him. If I would've known Zayn was still doing that shit, I would've helped him, unlike everyone else that's ever been in his life.
Why didn't you tell me? I was your brother, you could of told me you were struggling. You just came back into my life and now you're leaving me? Why'd you have to leave me like this?
A tear runs down my check and I quickly wipe it away.
"Would anyone like to come up and say a few words about Zayn?"I slowly glanced over my shoulder to see everyone is too emotional and shaken up to even speak two words. I take it upon myself to stand from my spot and walk up to the front. Everyone looks at me in surprise and I hear a few whispers as well.
Both my dad and Sinuhe give me sympathetic smiles as the pastor hands me the microphone and moves to the side.
The tie around my neck becomes uncomfortably tight once I look down at Zayn's casket. If it was open, I don't think I'd be able to do this.
"He was like a brother to me." I begin, shoving a hand in the pocket of my dress pants. I see a few former jocks and popular bitches seated in the back with fake tears. If I didn't have respect for Zayn, I'd call out their insincere sadness. But today isn't about them. It's about Zayn. Hand on the black wood. I instantly get goose bumps. It isn't until I feel Zayn's cold casket that I realize he's
actually gone.
