Gandhi's Guide to Getting By

chapter twenty-three

"It's just Hmmm is a weird thing to write," Matt says.

I shrug. "Maybe," I say. We're having Indian, on a little sidestreet near Young's office. The restaurant is called The Star. It's where Stella and I sometimes come to eat. It means she'll never come to this place again, at least not with me, not after I tell her I had dinner here with the nephew of "the liar and the prick".

Matt pours me a glass of wine. It's still early, but the restaurant is already getting full.

"It's pretty busy for a Tuesday night," I say.

"It's Thursday," Matt says.

He's right. I keep forgetting today is Thursday. I ended up taking Tuesday and Wednesday off and now my what-day-of-the-week-we-are-today senses are off-kilter. Tuesday I stayed with Mom at the hospital, Wednesday I spent making sure Mom was settled comfortably at home.

How "comfortable" Mom is at home is debatable. Mom isn't the stay home type, let alone the stay in bed type. Dr. Hendriff must have sensed this because he made a point of coming to see her just before she was discharged. Mom listened patiently as he explained about spending the next few days at home and avoiding stress. "I see," she said after he finished talking.

"You're not going to follow any of this, are you?" he said.

"I will in my own way," she replied.

Dad didn't like her reply. He and Mom had a whole argument about it, first about the definition of "stay home", second about the definition of "avoiding stress". Gran wanted to intervene, but Ax reminded her about the book, Get Out of Your Daughter's Life (You Crazy Old Bat). Gran refuses to look at the book, let alone read it. She's compiled her own list of books for Ax to read. And, like Ax, she has taken liberties with the titles of these books. Gran's copy of How Spending Your Life in a Science Lab can Lead to Insanity, is now titled, How Spending Your Life in a Science Lab can Lead to Insanity (hint, hint Alex), The Hidden Perils of Questioning what is Already There, is now titled, The Hidden Perils of Questioning what is Already There, in other words, shut-up and stop asking so many questions.

In the end, Mom and Dad managed to settle it between themselves. "Stay home" has been defined as three hours a day in the office, plus two or three hours at home where Mom spends her time on the phone scheduling one meeting after another to make up for missing this week; "Less stressful" has been defined as the smaller files, the ones Mom usually never works on.

"Hmmm," Matt says, "What does that even mean?" He looks at me, his blue eyes questioning the meaning of Hmmm. Hmmm is what I wrote on the foil underneath his, I love Emma Watson. He doesn't know what to make of it. I tell him there's nothing to make out, it's just something I wrote.

"I think you're reading too much into it," I now say.

He pushes aside the plate of Sag Paneer and reaches across the table for my hand. "Does it mean you don't feel the same way?"

I laugh. He took the whole of Tuesday off to spend it with me at the hospital. It was a little awkward with Mom and Dad. Dad referred to him as Mr. Grierson. Mom referred to him as Matthew. Mostly the two of us sat in the waiting room, talking. I even fell asleep for awhile, my head on Matt's lap.

"No it doesn't mean that," I say, "I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm just beginning to put the pieces of my life together and you and me... I just don't know what to make of it yet. I mean, I know I definitely like you and I know I'm definitely glad we're together..."

"Is Hmmm even a word?"

"Depends whose language you speak."

"I'm just trying to figure out how you'd define it."