Gandhi's Guide to Getting By

chapter twenty-five

In a gentle way, you can shake the world - so said Gandhi.

I wrote out the quote on a large poster board, then taped it to one of the walls in the Young office, near the coffee machine. I then set up a small metal stand underneath the poster. Shelby found the stand. She was rummaging through some garbage for the "Found Objects" installation piece she's working on. She cleaned it up and brought it over because it reminded her of the kind of stand travel agencies use to display their brochures. I'm using the stand to display pamphlets from various volunteer organizations in the city. I figure maybe the people coming in for free coffee will read the sign, then see the stand, then see the pamphlets, then get inspired, then shake the world in their own small way. Justin isn't so optimistic.

"Shake the world?" he says.

"It's what everyone wants to do," I say, "whether they realize it or not."

He frowns. He made a point of counting how many pamphlets (75 according to Justin) I put out when I first put the stand up. It's been three weeks since the stand has been in place. Yesterday he sent me a memo.

75 pamphlets - 2 pamphlets = 73 pamphlets

"Only two pamphlets taken," Justin now says, "And I know for a fact that one of them was used by a guy to throw out his gum and the other was used by me to clean up some coffee grounds that fell on the fl--"

Justin looks like he's sorry he said anything. I place the fresh bottle of milk next to the coffee machine and give Justin a look. "What did you say?"

"I--"

I don't let Justin finish his sentence. I've grabbed him by the tie which, by the shocked looks on the faces of the people in the coffee line-up, is probably not the hospitable behavior they expected from people who offer free coffee.

"Geez, what did the poor guy do?" One of the women waiting in the free-coffee line says.

"I asked for an extra sugar," Justin replies as I drag him towards MY desk. "If I were you, I'd run while I could. At the very least, ask yourself if free coffee is worth it? It's like they think they own you just because they gave you free coffee."

I tell the woman not to listen to him. "Our resident bumbling idiot," I said, "Who needs to be straightened out."

"Can I be straightened out?" The guy behind her says. "I can be a really good resident idiot."

"Me too," another guy says. "I've got three ex-girlfriends who'd be happy to give you letters of references concerning my idiocy."

"Looks like the resident idiots of New York City like you, Emma," Justin says. "Lucky you, it's not everyone who can boast of such a following."

I tell Justin to shut-up. To the two wannabe resident idiots, I say, "Thanks, but this resident idiot's a full time job. Besides, he's a little on the jealous side."

"Don't listen to anything those two say about each other," Melinda says as she makes her way to the photocopy machine. "The truth is, they've had a love slash hate relationship from the moment they met."

"I thought I sensed a chemistry between them," the woman says.

I stop in my tracks. I've still got Justin by the tie. "Just to be clear," I say, "There is no chemistry between us. I have a boyfriend and he has a plastic doll."

"Hey," some guy at the end of the line-up says, "I have a plastic doll."

"Welcome to Emma's personal house of horrors," Justin mumbles as we make our way to my desk.

"Sit," I say to Justin as I let go of his tie.

"I don't think so," Justin says.

"Sit or I give that guy with the plastic doll your phone number. Maybe the two of you can start a club."